Self-Care Is the Foundation of Executive Function with Suzie Cabray

Welcome And A Late ADHD Diagnosis

Wendy 0:03

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Wellness and Wealth. My name's Wendy Manganaro, and I'm your host. Today's topic is self-care and executive functioning. I'm here with Suzie Cabray, and I'm gonna read her bio, and then we'll get right to it. Suzie

0:20

lives in

Wendy 0:20

the Chicago area, and work virtually with busy and disorganized adults to improve their communication and thinking skills that affect their productivity and goal completion. Her clients are professionals, parents, and college students who want to improve areas such as communication, time management, mental organization, and follow-through. She uses a brain-based approach and walks her clients through proven steps to take action and get things done.

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Welcome Suzie,

Wendy 0:50

Thanks for being on the show today.

Suzie 0:51

Thank you for having me.

Wendy 0:53

So we'll get right into questions because, I don't know if I shared in our pre-podcast, but I was recently, diagnosed with ADHD, so this is a little f- selfishly, I'm like, "Oh, this is a great topic."

Suzie 1:07

Yeah, I don't think you told me that.

Wendy 1:09

Yeah. I'm 48 years old, and I just recently got diagnosed with it, And I had no idea until I, started talking to the doctor about some of the things that I've been struggling with. So it's been an interesting little ride finding

Self-Care Basics That Actually Matter

Wendy 1:21

that out. But before we get into any of that, what does self-care mean to you?

Suzie 1:26

So to me personally, when I think of self-care, I'm really thinking of the basics. So things Like making sure that I'm eating nutritious food, that I'm not going too long without meals and getting hangry, that I'm getting good sleep, good exercise and physical activity. Mindfulness is a part of my personal self-care routine. And, making Sure that I'm doing things that are fun and enjoyable and restful, having restorative care mixed into what I do

Wendy 2:04

I love that. And I always think that fun is important part of self-care, so I'm glad that you mentioned that.

Executive Function Skills Made Simple

Wendy 2:10

But as we're talking, because half of your topic is about executive function, for those who don't know, what does that mean?

Suzie 2:18

Yeah, so executive function really doesn't have a clear definition. Depending on where you look, you might see it defined in different ways. One of the easiest ways to think about it is it's our self-management skills. So it's how we do things with our higher level thinking skills that help us reach our goals and achieve the things that we need and want to do. And as far as regulating or managing ourselves, it's things like managing our time, managing our emotions, managing all the information that's in our brain, managing, where our attention goes. I follow, Peg Dawson and Richard Guare. They're really big in the executive functioning therapy world, and I follow their list of executive functions. So just to give you an idea of everything it can include, it can be controlling your emotions; task initiation, so getting started on all those things you know that you need and want to do; organization, that's both organization of your things and your environment, but also all the thoughts that are in your mind; planning and prioritizing; stress tolerance; working memory; impulse control; sustained attention; mental flexibility; goal-directed persistence, so that's the part of finishing things that you have started; and metacognition. Metacognition just means our ability to think about our own thinking and to be aware of how we think and how that affects our behavior. And so those are the executive functioning skills. But simply just think of them as being able to regulate and manage all the things within yourself.

ADHD In Women And Hidden Signs

Wendy 4:04

I have a follow-up question to this because I'm always interested. Recently, through a death, I learned heart attack symptoms, I had no idea, look differently from women to men. So when we're talking about executive functioning for what it looks like for women versus men, does it look the same for us or do we process things differently when we're having issues, with executive functioning?

Suzie 4:30

In general, I would say it's different, but it's really different for every person. But like you mentioned, being diagnosed as an adult, I'm having more and more of my clients that are in their 30s, 40s, 50s that are newly diagnosed with ADHD, specifically women. Because women, we almost internalize our hyperactivity if we are hyperactive where it's, restless thoughts, they're always going. Where boys, if you think of a typical ADHD boy, they're bouncing off the walls and they externally can't control themselves. And so visually, I feel like people have identified boys with ADHD much younger and women are more internal and, maybe more inattentive. But this is a very general answer. It's different for everybody. But I do see that boys tend to be more visibly hyperactive, they're diagnosed younger, and there's just some nuanced differences between men and women and boys and girls with ADHD.

Wendy 5:39

Yeah. And it's so funny that you said that because it was actually me listening to, one of my mentors and I was like, Well, fair enough because she had been recently diagnosed and the changes, not that she was doing poorly before, but the changes of her being able to create and, do things, I was like... And that's what actually started me on the journey because the older I got, I felt like the symptoms got worse from it. So that's been an interesting thing for me and that's what I started to learn about was like how it affects me, and to that point, we kind of always hear that women multitask

Why Multitasking Backfires Over Time

Wendy 6:15

better. When we talk about executive function, 'cause at one time I was the multitasking queen but it was because my brain was working in seven places. Like I could jump from task to task quite easily. But is that part of that, that whole idea of multitasking versus trying to do something one at a time so that you do it well

Suzie 6:35

I think part of it is just the nature of our society and our culture that women are expected to balance all these things. And so part of it is us figuring out how to compensate and to stay above water by doing all these things and multitasking. In general, we really should not multitask. It's much better to mono-task, because every time you're switching back and forth, it takes your mind extra time to get back on track with that thing. And so if you just do one thing at a time, you're really gonna end up saving time. And one thing that's interesting, I find this is a really interesting difference between men and women, and I'm seeing a lot more research about this, but is women's hormonal changes throughout life, that really has an effect on ADHD. So not only is your ADHD affecting you differently depending on the time of the month, but also on the time of your life, where you are with, menopause or just your hormones at that time of life. Another thing I notice between men and women and multitasking and all the tasks that we do, in general, I see ADHD affecting people either within home management, within their professional life, or within their relationships. And I do find that the male clients who come to me are more often their first priority is that professional piece. They're wanting to rein in their executive function so that they can get a promotion or they can professionally advance in a way that they know they should be able to, but maybe they just need to refine some time management or organization or prioritizing. Where I find that adult women are coming because maybe sometimes the professional piece and the relationship piece, I think both men and women have that as a priority, but that home management piece, how do I not only manage my career, but also manage all the parts and pieces of managing a home, getting the kids to school, getting the whole family fed? So there's definitely differences there. How much is our culture and how much is our brain? It's a little bit of both

Systems And Routines Without Rigidity

Wendy 8:50

That's interesting, and I question for you as we go along, and then, we'll get into some warning signs. But one of the things that I would have at one time that I did not need at all, that I did not like, I was that young person who hated schedules, who hated time management, who hated processes. Any of those things interrupted what I thought was my flow. And I went through all of my college, including my master's, doing things literally the last minute, within hours. That's how I used to run my programs when I ran, and I could function that way. And it wasn't until, I guess it was two or three years ago, I had for the first time hired an online manager to get all these processes in place, and I was like, "Oh, the thing I am that I can, like, get things done because I'm following a process," but I never knew that until somebody else was like, "Well, if you wanna have a team be able to work with you, they need to know the steps, so let's get all your processes in place." And I was like, "Okay," very begrudgingly because that's just not who I was. And so do you find that for, women that have ADHD, or even men really, but women, that processes are helpful even though we may, well, I certainly fought them

Suzie 10:05

I definitely do. I feel like a lot of my job is figuring out those processes and systems that work for somebody. There's a million productivity, time management tips and tricks out there, but figuring out what works for somebody's brain, I feel like that's my job, right? What's gonna work for you versus somebody else. And a lot of people really function when they have that external pressure or that urgency. They're fighting the clock. That's when they can be productive, but it's a very reactive way to live, and it's a much more comfortable way to live if you're more proactive and you have those systems, and you have those structures. I find that people who have ADHD are very black and white thinkers, and so it's hard to tell yourself, "I'm gonna do this thing in this place and at this time because if you miss it, you feel like all is lost. I really try to teach people to come up with those systems and structures that can be flexible, that if you miss what you intended to do, you have a backup plan or you have a smaller way to do the thing, so you're still making progress. I do think that systems and routines help, but it's hard because people feel like if I say I'm gonna do this thing, I have to do it this exact way, where I think it's better to think of it as, okay, I'm creating these systems, I'm creating these routines, but this is just my intention. If things need to change, they can change, and that's fine. And so you have the structure, but you also have flexibility.

Wendy 11:40

You know what's really hysterical, even before the processes went into place, one of the things that I worked with, 'cause I did marketing and I used to do coaching for marketing, is that I would get overwhelmed clients with the fact that they had to build a website, right? So they'd have that on their to-do list, and they would have none of the steps, which I'm actually good at breaking down, but it just never dawned on me to use it on myself. but I used to teach other people to, in the confine of marketing. It cracks me up. I'd love to learn a little bit about your own, self-care journey as we're talking about this and what kinda got you into the field of doing this.

Miracle Morning And Daily Energy Management

Suzie 12:14

Yeah. So I feel like personally I have been working on self-care for decades. I have a pretty good self-care routine. Have you heard of the book The Miracle Morning?

Wendy 12:28

It's actually really great.

Suzie 12:30

Yeah, so I probably read that book 12 to 15 years ago, but it really resonated with me. And for those who don't know, the premise is that you have a regular morning routine, and it helps you have habits and rhythms and routines that help you be successful. And so from the book, the habits and routines are silence, affirmation, visualization, exercise, reading, and scribing or journaling. And I think at the beginning I followed it pretty strict. Now I have much more of just a general rhythm and flow to my mornings, but I always have some piece of meditation, reading or learning in one way or another, exercise, and just starting my day with intention, and that makes a huge difference. I do work from home, so I feel like I also need to put self-care throughout my day. So in the afternoon, I kinda have what I consider an energy management routine, and I, will do some sort of physical activity, and I'll take a power nap, and that just keeps me from having that slump in the afternoon. And then I feel when I get back to work, I can be more effective, and I can get the things that I need done. And then my work-life balance is nice because then I don't have work that's carrying over. Some other things I do is I'm a big reader. I consider that self-care for myself, both for pleasure reading and also learning reading. I always like to learn. I am a very structured, probably process-oriented, systems-oriented sort of person, and so sometimes it's hard for me to step back and not feel like I need to be checking a box of one sort or another. So I really have been trying to think of self-care in the sense of that it's okay to just slow down sometimes. It's okay to do something purely for enjoyment, because that is hard for me. So I have been really intentionally trying to add in music into my day, because I do find that super restorative, but it's so hard for me to keep something like that as a regular habit. So that's been an important change for me, is being okay with slowing down and just doing things for enjoyment purposes only

Wendy 14:50

And I understand that, and I actually have to add that into my healthcare routine to make sure, that I do that because I think it was two years ago, I took up photography for the first time, and to regularly, physically go somewhere to go take pictures on purpose, and I usually take it of nature 'cause I'm walking. But, learning, because I really enjoy it, but being able to, do that 'cause I know this is gonna be part of my weekly routine that I'm gonna drive somewhere, then I'm gonna get out of the car, I'm gonna take a walk, and I try to do it in different places. But it's been super helpful for that ability to self-care. And just to backtrack to The Miracle Morning, I had a therapist who actually, because I guess she saw I was a little ADHD but I didn't realize. And she was like, "Read the book and see if you can start your mornings that way." And I did it very religiously for a while too. But it does, it gives you a sense of, purpose before you get your day started so you're not so, stressed out and just walking into your day without being able to look at your day. So that was super helpful to me too. He got a whole bunch of them. So they, for anybody listening, look up The Miracle Morning, but it, they have, he has lots of sub-sets. It's a great little series.

Warning Signs Self-Care Is Slipping

Wendy 16:02

As we're talking about entrepreneurs and specifically female entrepreneurs, what are the warning signs that lack of self-care affect their, is affecting her executive functioning?

Suzie 16:12

Yeah, so I think some of the biggest signs are just feeling like you can't manage your time, feeling like you're dropping the ball on different things, being disorganized, not being able to keep up with all the things that are happening in life. That's something that just tells you, maybe you're having trouble with executive functioning, and I think for executive functioning therapy or any cognitive therapy, people really wanna get to, "Okay, how do I improve my time management or organization?" And a lot of times I do start with that self-care piece, and if you think of your thinking and how to support your thinking as a pyramid, at that very base is our self-care. If we're sleeping well, we're eating well, we're exercising, we're taking care of ourselves, our cognition's just going to improve because of those self-care things. And it's so interesting that's all you have to do. And so to your photography story, you feel like, "Okay, I have to take this time out of my week to go take photos." But then when you're in nature and you're walking and you're enjoying it, everything else falls into place because you've taken that time. And so that's what I think, just noticing when you feel like things maybe aren't flowing in the way that they are, you're dropping the ball in places that you normally wouldn't, just start with that self-care and see if there's a place that you can improve

Wendy 17:43

You know, that really was, and at the time I was living at the ocean, so really easy for me to walk to the beach and start like, it was fantastic. I shot snow storms, and it was beautiful. One of the things as you were talking, this is about, more of a curiosity.

Anxiety Emotional Regulation And Getting Help

Wendy 17:57

As you're talking about these warning signs, this idea of, not feeling like time management well or, being able to complete those tasks. Is there an anxiety around that, or is it more of a feeling of, I guess everybody could be different, but does that raise anxiety levels when you're, and then, yeah, before you were talking about the black and white of, like, "Well, I didn't get this done, so I'm not gonna get anything done," kind of thing, so

Suzie 18:18

Yeah Definitely Anxiety plays a role, and emotional regulation is an executive function too. And so you might notice that you're more emotionally reactive, or you're just feeling a lot more anxiety. But basically, anxiety does play a role, and I can see it as two-sided. So sometimes somebody is better suited to work with, for example, a psychotherapist before they would work with me, and sometimes it makes more sense for them to start with me, and then maybe see a psychotherapist, and it is that anxiety and emotional piece. So do they have so much anxiety and emotional dysregulation that they couldn't even follow the strategies and the structures and systems that might help them improve? Then they would probably be better suited to start with that emotional piece, and then start adding on the tools. But some people, it's the other way. All that they need is some of the tools and structures and systems, and they're able to follow those. And once they can get that going, then the anxiety will just decrease because they're functioning better. Executive functionings are affected by all sorts of things. So by stress, by things like ADHD or autism or certain illnesses, just taking on more than we can handle. I think we're in this age where people feel like there's unlimited things to do, and so we should do all of these things. But there is a point to where we can't manage and organize so many things. But having that acceptance that's okay if I can pick and choose the things that I want to do, and I don't necessarily have to do everything, or maybe I do certain things at certain times, but there's also just the side of taking on more than we can handle

Wendy 20:10

Absolutely, and I have a son on the spectrum, and so I see that with him. It taught me routines for when he was little because we had to do picture schedules and be like, "This is what's next, this is what's next." And those processes to this day help him when we do this for him. He's older now, but it's the same idea where he has decreased anxiety if he knows the plan.

Write It Down For High Stress Days

Suzie 20:30

I like people to think about these structures and routines as very, when you need it. You might need some of these things all of the time, and you might need some of these things only part of the time. And if you have elevated stress, it's much harder to think of the things that work for you and help you when you have that increased stress level. So I will have people write out those really, detailed, basic, "Here's my morning routine." Write it down. You don't have to look at it every day. You probably don't need it most of the time. But if you get to a place to where you just can't even think clearly, to not have to think about what do I have to do, you have it written out, you have your plan somewhere. It's nice to have that,, that backup or something to help center you or ground you into those rhythms and routines that work for you without having to need all the mental energy to rethink about things that have worked for you before, just to have a reference somewhere.

Start Small With Priority Menus

Wendy 21:29

So I have one final question is, and y-you started to touch on it before, but what's the first step for, somebody to improve their executive functioning to resolve care?

Suzie 21:39

So I think a good place to start is just to assess and/or track your self-care. Are you eating at good timing for you? Are you getting seven to eight hours of quality sleep a night? Are you exercising? Are you having that downtime? And just getting a good assessment. It's easy To do by tracking or at least having some reflection on that to get an idea of where you're at. And then I would start small. Do small things that help you improve in the areas that you feel like you need to. One thing I do with a lot of my clients is have them think about, what are the priority areas in your life? We all have important areas in our life, and we tend to focus on one area until another area kinda falls by the wayside, and then we go take care of that when there's an emergency or urgency over here, so I think it can be really nice to name your priority areas. What is important to you? And it could be things like health, family, creativity, maybe something related to work or your career. And then you're creating menus within those priority areas of things that take various levels of time, various levels of effort. But that way it's easier to say, "Okay, I'm gonna do something towards creativity every week." And if you don't have a lot of time, you can pick something from your list that's pretty quick and easy, but you're still making progress. Or if you do have more time, maybe you pick something that takes more time and takes more effort if that's what works for you. But the idea being that you're always doing something towards these areas that are important to you, so you're always feeling like you're putting some intention there, you're making progress there. Even if it's small, that's fine.

Wendy 23:26

Yeah, absolutely. And that's the kind of the way that I've finally structured my life, is going, Okay, here are the things." It took a lot of fighting and then realizing that, okay, this might work better, and trying to not be so rigid within that, so How can our audience find

How To Reach Suzie And Wrap-Up

Wendy 23:40

you?

Suzie 23:40

Sure. Anyone is welcome to reach out via my, email, website. If you'd like to find me, I'm happy to answer any questions. If we're a good fit to work together, that could be a next step, and if we're not, I can help you, have some resources or direction along your journey.

Wendy 23:57

Thank you so much for coming on the show today. This has been a fantastic conversation.

Suzie 24:02

I appreciate it. Thank you so much. It has been really enjoyable.

Wendy 24:07

If you are listening for the first time, please make sure you subscribe and hear other shows about self-care. And if you love what Susie said today, make sure you leave a review. In the meantime, have an abundant day.