Welcome to our new website!
Sept. 21, 2022

Emily Shaules - How to Heal from and Thrive with Invisible Illness

Emily Shaules - How to Heal from and Thrive with Invisible Illness

Are you an entrepreneur who feels like you are constantly not feeling well? And you try to express this to your friends and family, and they tell you to shake it off? Or do you ever feel like you are crazy because you constantly don’t feel well, but the doctors insist your labs are normal? And send you home?

Well, you might be one of the many entrepreneurs suffering from a silent illness. Wellness and Wealth guest Emily Shaules of Masterpath Coaching will discuss this topic. So that you, the entrepreneur, not only can feel heard and seen but know you are not alone, along with the best way to self-care while still thriving in your business.

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

What is a silent illness?

Is it cultural or innate to think we must be miserable when ill?

How do you become okay with what you have accomplished, not what you think you must complete?

What’s the first step in changing the internal dialogue of what’s wrong with me? How can I be more positive despite how I feel?


Are you an entrepreneur who feels like you are constantly not feeling well? And you try to express this to your friends and family, and they tell you to shake it off? Or do you ever feel like you are crazy because you constantly don’t feel well, but the doctors insist your labs are normal? And send you home? 

Well, you might be one of the many entrepreneurs suffering from a silent illness. Wellness and Wealth guest Emily Shaules of Mastpath Coaching will discuss this topic. So that you, the entrepreneur, can feel heard and seen and know you are not alone, along with the best way to self-care while still thriving in your business. 

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

What is a silent illness?

Is it cultural or innate to think we must be miserable when ill?

How do you become okay with what you have accomplished, not what you think you have to accomplish?

What’s the first step in changing the internal dialogue of what’s wrong with me? How can I be more positive despite how I feel? 

Guest Offer: A free 60-minute masterclass on why you have an invisible illness and what to do to start feeling better today!

Guest Link: https://emilyshaules.newzenler.com/f/webinar

 

Connect with Wendy Manganaro:  

 

Connect with Wendy Manganaro:  

Transcript

[00:00:00] Wendy Manganaro: Hi everyone. My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast. I'm so happy to have you find us. And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it. This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business. 

So sit back, relax. And learn from the practical to the woo-woo, how to best take care of you. 

[00:00:28] Wendy: Today I have Emily Shaules. And she is a transformational coach who works primarily with women with invisible illness, which we will learn all about in a little bit.

She's also the executive director, I should say, newly the executive director. We're very excited for her of the Julian ranch retreat center in Julian, California, a former attorney professional actor and founder CEO. Emily went from being suicidal and on 25 pills a day. By the time she was 30 to thriving in her body, mind and spirit, she utilizes her medic and universal laws as well as practical health and wellness knowledge to help those who are sick of the struggle and want to design a dream life that honors their body.

And experience Emily lives in Encinitas, California and is obsessed with dogs and Schitt's Creek, which is awesome. I love that. I'm obsessed with dogs too. I have four of them downstairs. Welcome to the show, Emily. 

[00:01:22] Emily: Hi, thank you so much for having me.

God, I could talk about your dogs. 

[00:01:26] Wendy: Cancel the show. Let's talk about dogs. Okay. No.

[00:01:29] Emily: I'll reel it back in. Reel it in. 

[00:01:31] Wendy: Oh, we were just talking about me buying a new house, buying the new house, cuz it has the yard for the dogs. Yeah. Anyway, we could get really sidetracked there.

We had met online and I'm really excited to talk to you about this idea of invisible illness and actually, my husband, I was telling you, whose out working in Idaho and Washington. He has one of those invisible illnesses. So I do have firsthand knowledge of somebody who has it, but a lot of people don't know what that is.

So could you give it an explanation of what an invisible illness is and how it impacts the person. Who has it? 

[00:02:03] Emily: Yes. The definition I use is any chronic physical or mental condition where you quote, unquote look normal. so if you've ever heard the phrase like, oh, but you look good then, but you're suffering.

Then you most likely have an invisible illness when I was deciding, who I wanted to work with. I heard terms like chronic pain and things like that, but invisible illness seemed to speak to everyone that I really wanted to reach and help because it can deal with, like I said, both physical and mental illnesses, which you know, now in this time of post COVID, who hasn't, experienced at least some of that.

I really focus on the people who have been struggling for years, the people who go to doctor after doctor and have test after test, come back and say, oh, it's normal. Or, oh, we don't really know how to treat this. And so there can be a lot of loneliness and isolation involved because there just aren't many people who a recognize that there's even anything wrong with you or B know how to help.

[00:03:08] Wendy: And that leads to at least, I know this is for women and entrepreneurs, but I know that I watched my husband go through this and start to think you're crazy. 

[00:03:16] Emily: Absolutely. How do you not, if you've been going to doctor after doctor for sometimes decades and no one can help you and no one even can recognize that there's an issue, then.

They're basically telling you that you're crazy. And so it's difficult not to take that on, especially when you're already in a compromised situation, mentally due to the pain that you're experiencing. It's easier to take on those negative thoughts and beliefs as your own. And so that's a lot of the work that I do with my clients is to reprogram those beliefs about yourself because your cells and your body are always listening to your thoughts and you can't heal a body that you hate.

You can't heal a body that you're blaming for all the problems in your life. That's just not gonna work. And so the mental, emotional aspect is a key piece of the work that I. 

[00:04:10] Wendy: I love that. And I will self-admit that when my husband was going through this, I was not the most understanding wife because I really did not understand it.

I'd be like what do you mean you can't go to work today? And I think from the other side of somebody who now lives with somebody and he tells me something, I hear it, but I think that's the other part of it is that you're living in this invisible, not only the doctors don't hear you a lot of times.

Your family members don't hear you. 

[00:04:34] Emily: Absolutely. Your family members, your coworkers, your friends, and it's not from a place of malice or bad intent, obviously you love your husband. You want what's best for him. But what I found is that even if you have the very best intention, even though if you want the best for someone who has an invisible illness, if you yourself have not experienced that.

It's almost impossible for you to truly empathize and understand what they're going through. Because like I said, you'll look normal. And I remember a partner that I lived with for years and he was the most sympathetic, the most helpful, but he even admitted to me, I don't really under, I don't understand what you feel .

We would always say, we wish we could swap bodies for a day. So that, I could feel the sweet relief of being in a healthy body, but that he could understand what I was feeling on a day to day basis, because again, breeds, empathy and understanding. And unfortunately we don't have that body swapping ability quite yet.

It's sometimes a hard road, especially if your spouse, your coworkers, your friends are listening to doctors that are maybe saying that you're, it's all in your head or you're a little bit crazy. Who do you listen to? Yeah, those are some very real issues that go beyond the physical or mental pain that you're experiencing because community is everything.

To really have a community of people who understand what you're going through is such an important component. 

[00:06:02] Wendy: Important part of this is the belief system on the outside. Actually as we're having this conversation, I remember one time where I was in the hospital, I had a watermelon sized cyst burst and they didn't know that it was. The pain that I was in and they sent a psychiatrist in and said it was all in my head. Because they had misdiagnosed me. 

[00:06:20] Emily: Wow. 

[00:06:20] Wendy: And God love my husband who has been my hero in a lot of ways. He was like, you need to leave. She is not making this out. And then they figured out what was wrong with that me.

But even then that moment, I'm like maybe I shouldn't be asking for pain meds. Maybe there isn't something wrong with me, and you start to doubt, am I feeling what I'm feeling. And not that, mental health is one of those invisible illnesses.

I understand that. I get that. 

But when it is something physical and you're met with there's something mentally wrong with you, cuz you're feeling something you're, that's not real. 

[00:06:51] Emily: Exactly. 

[00:06:52] Wendy: It's wait a second. And you really start to doubt who you are as a person or what you think.

 And I'm a big advocate for teaching children to pay attention to themselves. We are preventive in the, you have to have this, but not preventive in the let's listen to how we feel. We tell 'em brush it off, because you want them to be somewhat resilient, but not at the cost of not feeling.

Who they are and paying attention when they say that there's an issue. 

[00:07:20] Emily: I completely agree. And, I went through a period of time where I really had a lot of anger and blamed towards the medical establishment and doctors and you know what they're doing the best they can. They're absolutely overwhelmed.

Most doctors get, five minutes alone with each patient. They see they've gotta see 20 patients a day. And they like things that are explainable. They like things that meet their base of knowledge. And so unfortunately what happens a lot of times is if they themselves can't explain what's going on, they automatically jump to this person's making it up. Or this person is crazy instead of looking at it like, wow, we know a ton about the human body, but there's a huge amount that we don't know yet. We're discovering new things every day. They just finished sequencing a full human genome. And there's so many things that we don't know yet.

That one day we probably will discover. And we probably will have a test for it, but right now we don't. And so why don't I think that it, what this person is experiencing is probably in that category of something that is real, that we just can't explain quite yet, as opposed to they're making it up.

So there are wonderful doctors who will do that, but unfortunately there are a lot that, there are human beings, they're dealing with their own egos. They're dealing with their own, emotional defenses. And so a lot of times they'll go the other way of if I don't know it, then it must be your fault.

[00:08:48] Wendy: Yes. So, in full disclosure, I was actually born with lymphoblastic leukemia and my mother fought for the first six weeks saying something is wrong with my daughter and the pediatrician who first took care of me was like, you're just being an obsessive mom.

Exactly. 

Which is really funny because when my son was born he got sick early on. He had Rotovirus and then RSV and our original pediatricians told me the same thing. You're just being an obsessive mom. There's nothing wrong. And thankfully, my mom got me to Sloan Kettering in New York city, which is an amazing hospital.

And, I found a great pediatrician for my son who was like, no, your son needs to be hospitalized right now. He's not breathing correctly. But this is what I came up with after I dealt with my son in that situation when he was little, is that if you are not used to seeing hard cases, it's really hard for you to understand that a mom may be right about their child or that the person who knows their body the best that there's something wrong is the person living in it.

[00:09:45] Emily: Agreed. I think we've fallen into a trap with modern medicine where we blindly give our trust over to anyone who's wearing a white coat. That they know best. And I hope we are moving towards a more collaborative medical approach. And I think holistic care is really helping with this and bringing in, Ayurveda and traditional medicines.

Where it can be more of a conversation where your doctor is part of your team, but you are CEO, not the doctor. And so even in that instance, a wonderful approach that doctor could have taken was. Do you think that you could be obsessive new mom? Is there a part of that in you, or do you feel in your gut that there's something wrong?

Because obviously there are obsessive new moms, and that's a valid question, but it should be a question not a statement because that doctor is not inside of your body, inside of your child's body and it needs to be a dialogue where you're a team figuring things out together, as opposed to, I know best this is what's going on, because again, they don't have the time money.

Most doctors literally graduate having three hours on nutritional training in all of medical school, so they don't understand the effects that diet can have. Your diet is literally one of the most important things. What we ingest literally turns into our cells.

So I always ask my clients, do you want your cells being made out of pizza? Or do you want your cells made out of an organic salad? They're gonna be two very different results based on what you ingest. And so it's really important for us to take personal responsibility and to

either find a doctor who agrees with that philosophy and is willing to work with us. Or if you are in a situation in terms of you have an HMO and you have to go to this certain doctor that you yourself, don't forget that you are the CEO of your medical care and that this is a consultant that you're going to look at, but ultimately it's up to you, what actions you take, what you believe.

Because that personal responsibility is so important. Especially considering our thoughts, our beliefs play such a key role in our health. And when people, when doctors look at tests and studies and they say, Ooh, this is quote unquote normal that's like a random sampling of people.

You don't know what those people believe. You don't know, if all of those people are like, we're going to hell in a hand basket and my body's falling apart and all of this stuff, those are very different, vibes than what other people are thinking.

And so that's gonna affect the numbers, let alone placebo affects all of these things. And so it's really important just to stay centered and grounded in your own, knowing you are given an emotional guidance system, you are given that intuition for a reason and not to hand it over, just because someone.

Is seemingly in a position of power. 

[00:12:50] Wendy: And you bring up a good point. And I'm gonna use my child as an example, but I think this happens because I wanna go back into the thoughts and the mindset of this. The reason why all the doctors had such a hard time with my son is he was constantly happy.

He was just a happy baby. He was so sick. He needed to be on oxygen twice, but he was happy. And so I'd bring him in and he'd still be happy. So the doctor would be like, there's nothing wrong with him. And I'm like, he's not breathing well.

And so how does that play into mindset and our thoughts? How do you learn how to have that balance of I don't have to be miserable because I don't feel well, but I also need to be able to pay attention to myself.

[00:13:27] Emily: Absolutely. Here's a question. How is your son? 

[00:13:30] Wendy: My son is amazing. He was and he doesn't like me talking about this too much, but I will anyway, cuz he knows that I do, he was born on the spectrum and he no longer has asthma issues. We did a lot of the care when he was little so that as he got older, he could feel confident.

[00:13:46] Emily: Which totally speaks to what you were just talking about.

 If he had been miserable, I don't think he would've healed as quickly, or as completely as he did because any kind of negative emotions are going to throw resistance into the healing process. That's not to say it doesn't happen or that's bad. We're human beings, but we have come to believe.

And correlate and equate basically pain with negative emotion. If I'm in pain, I need to be depressed or I am depressed or I'm miserable or all those things. That's not the case. Okay. It's correlation, not causation. So basically in order to start the healing process or in order to make the healing process easier, faster, et cetera.

You need to take a look at the emotional and the mental picture, because why not get rid of as much resistance to your body healing as you possibly can. And if you're constantly depressed because of your symptoms, then you're gonna probably stay there. Now this is not me saying, walk around, in joy and passion and toxic positivity and not looking at the real picture, but you can be in pain and happy. You can be in pain and joyful. And I know this for a fact because I'm still in pain. I'm not a hundred percent healed from my issues. I'm vastly improved. I'm off all medications. I, am, thriving professionally and in my relationships, but I am still not a hundred percent healed, but in order to begin my healing journey and to continue it, I had to

separate my pain from my emotions and say, I am in charge of what I feel and what I think. And I can choose a higher vibe for myself and know that if my pain is constant and it's chronic; then, does that literally mean I'm not allowed to be happy the entire rest of my life? Because that's literally what you're saying.

If there is pain, then there has to be negative emotion. And I don't believe that at all. Your son is a perfect example. We've all seen people who are going through cancer, who are going through MS who are going through horrible, physical and mental issues. And yet they're happy, they're loving.

They're joyful. And what do we say? Oh my God, that's so inspiring. We all have that ability. It is a choice now, obviously, do you have bad days? Bad hours? Of course. Like we're human. What I'm saying is that most of us are not taught how to deal with our emotions or even how to identify emotions

And so once we learn this, once we learn that our emotions are in fact, our guidance system, that's what we were born with to let us know if we're going the right way or not for ourselves. Then we can take control and we can have the set. The intention of this is how I wanna feel. Yes. Are things gonna happen that are gonna take me down of course, but I am able to learn practice and master tips and techniques to process emotions quickly so that I can get back to that set point that I've intended for my own self, so that I'm not beholden to outside circumstances or inside circumstances in the case of bodily pain.

Those don't control me. I choose where I'm going. And then that actually in fact helps me feel better because I can never, when I work with a client, I can never tell them 100%, you're gonna feel better after working with me. I can't say that about any, not even doctors can say that, no one can say what's gonna happen.

That's the beauty and mystery of life. But I had to really get clear with myself and my own journey of okay, if I'm going to be in pain for the rest of my life, which is a distinct possibility, I don't think it will be, but it could happen. How do I wanna feel for the rest of my life? Does that mean I'm gonna be miserable and broke and alone and all of these things because I'm waiting to start my life until I feel better, or can I start my life?

And intend, that I'll feel better. It's a very subtle distinction, but an incredibly important one for your healing journey to begin. 

[00:17:55] Wendy: I could not agree more. And there is something that you said in there that stuck out to me. When you said we find people who can be happy while they're sick and we're like, that's an inspiration because I think innately.

Or culturally, I don't know which one it is, but somehow we go if you're sick it has to equal misery.

[00:18:18] Emily: I think it's cultural. 

I think culturally, we're just taught to live conditionally that if I look at something and it pleases me, then I'm happy. If I look at a baby or a puppy but if I look at something that doesn't please me like war or, environmental issues and things like that, then I have to be miserable or angry or things like that.

And that's just not true. We are in charge of how we think and we feel, and that's the difference between living in full responsibility and control of your life, or just going wherever. Life takes you. And that's very reactive and not very enjoyable, honestly, cuz we live in a culture where we're constantly being shown what's wrong, in the world.

So if you are basing your feelings on what you're looking at, then you're screwed. You're not in control of your own journey because you are at the whim of what is in front of you. Whereas if you really know that you are at choice, Then, everything changes, not only the things that come to you through the law of attraction, but your body can heal better because you're taking away that whole layer of resistance.

That is you saying this sucks. I hate this. When is this gonna be over? It's just, you can't get there from there. You can't get better when you're constantly beating the drum of this sucks. I've tried it believe me. , I've been there. 

[00:19:41] Wendy: And so I wanna move into a little bit, female entrepreneurs and as one as yourself, you'll understand this question when you have these invisible illnesses, right?

[00:19:51] Emily: Yes. 

[00:19:51] Wendy: I think Best way that I can talk about as we're talking about culture is the hustle mindset, right? 

[00:19:56] Emily: Absolutely. 

[00:19:57] Wendy: You have a hustle mindset and you have an invisible illness, and you're trying to keep up with this hustle mindset. And in there it doesn't teach you how to take care of yourself. 

[00:20:05] Emily: Absolutely. . 

[00:20:06] Wendy: So how do you get from, I'm gonna be okay with what I can do and know that, that's where it is today and that there's nothing wrong with that.

It's almost like the joy is in the journey type of thing but how do you meet in the middle so that you are not beating yourself up for the things you didn't get done. 

[00:20:23] Emily: Yes. You just answered your question. It's really about your own internal dialogue.

So if you are consistently saying to yourself, you're not getting enough done. You're lazy. You are broken, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then that is going to have a very different effect on your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual health than if you speak to yourself the way you just did of I'm gonna get as much done as I can.

I'm gonna trust that's enough. I have faith that I will always be provided for. I make my decision. I create my own reality. I don't rely on the, not so healthy capitalist society to tell me what I need to be doing. I think the hustle culture is ridiculous, unhealthy unsustainable, and we're reaping what we've sewn with it. We can see everyone is exhausted, burnt out. Our planets falling apart, all of these things that come from this constant 24 7. And that's what, why I teach people. Not only universal laws like law of attraction, but also hermetic principles because hermetic principles are universal principles tied to nature.

And they're basically the basis of every major religion. But everything has seasons. Everything has wane and waxing. It's just how it is. And we're no different, to look at ourselves as apart from nature, which is how I think, most hardcore capitalists and on the toxic side of masculinity looks at things is we have dominion over nature.

We're in charge of nature. Nature's ours to own and do with what we want. That is as opposed to we ourselves, our nature, we need to have moments and times of more activity and less activity of more extroversion, more introversion. And so to really. Reconnect with yourself and to know what to listen to what your body and your soul is asking for and to trust and to really build your faith muscles that you will in fact, be taken care of.

And to really take a hard look at your life and to see what are my priorities. Okay. If I say. My priorities are my health. And yet I'm working 80 hours a week. I'm eating like shit. I'm not, excuse my French. I'm not exercising. I'm not meditating then. I'm sorry your priority. That you've said is BS.

You're not, your priorities are based on what do you spend your time and your money on. So if you take a really hard look at your calendar and your checkbook, you're gonna see what your priorities really are. And unfortunately, a lot of people's priorities do to marketing due to, I'm not saying this is your fault.

[00:23:05] Wendy: No, I agree. 

[00:23:06] Emily: But our priorities are $200 cable bills and, fast food and all of these things where if you shift that around, you can live a very full life, more full than when you have all the toys and stuff like that. A more health filled, a more connected life with your family and your friends where you're not like on your phone, twenty four seven.

It's a process of having the courage to take an honest. Look at your life and make the changes so that your priorities match your actions

[00:23:34] Wendy: My husband had a very good friend who used to say that to us when we were newly married, he used to say you are judging yourself on your intentions of what you will do while the, what rest of the world is watching what you actually do.

[00:23:45] Emily: Exactly. 

[00:23:45] Wendy: There's so much truth to that. And when I was young I didn't realize if I intend to do something, somebody's looking at whether or not I am taking the action to be able to do that because if I'm telling you to do this is my actions behind that. If you close the door, if you talk to my husband, if you talk to my kids, am I doing what I'm saying? 

[00:24:03] Emily: Exactly. Do you match your thoughts? Words and actions match up. That's the definition of integrity. And so it's just becoming a more integrous person which has benefits across the board.

Instead of. Feeling like maybe something's off and you're not really looking at something, but instead of looking at it, numbing it out with, take your pick food, wine, TV, shopping, any of our, we all have our ways of numbing out to the world, which of course, I'm not saying get rid of those.

I'm saying if you are in pain, that is your body's way of saying, Hey, there's something you need to look at. It is not your body's malfunctioning. Our bodies are brilliant. Our bodies are like absolute genius, unreplicable, just genius creations. Our bodies are wondrous.

Okay. And so if our body is quote unquote malfunctioning, it's because there's something out of alignment within ourselves. And so most people, unfortunately don't have the courage to look at that because that's a really scary thing to look at sometimes. And maybe it's pain that we've stuff down and we don't wanna look at, or like you said, it's my thoughts and my intentions are not in alignment with my actions.

That's an issue. It can be so many things, but instead of popping pills and, getting worse and just blaming, X, Y, Z. I teach my clients radical responsibility of whatever is in your life is in your life. Okay. Fighting against reality is pointless and crazy making. Okay. So it's really getting clear of, yeah, maybe my life's not what I want it to be, but I'm in charge of it.

So if I take radical responsibility, then. Everything up until this point is meaningless. It's just, where am I right now? And where do I wanna go? And I just try and get people to focus as much as possible on where I want to go, as opposed to what is in my life that I hate right now, because that's usually what people do we focus on.

We're problem solving beings. We focus on the thing that's not right. There could be 10 good things in our lives. And we focus on the one thing that's not while according to a law of attraction, t hat means that it's the thing that we don't, want's gonna grow and we're gonna attract more things that we don't want.

Whereas if you could have 10 bad things going on in your life, but you have one good thing that you put your focus on now, suddenly the good starts growing. And so to really just shift into looking at what you want and why you want it and start. Creating the feelings in your being of how do I feel when I feel wonderful in my body?

How does it feel when I have plenty of money or whatever you want, a relationship or all of these things, everything that we want in our lives we want, because we think we're gonna feel good having them. So cut out the middle man, just start feeling good. And the good things will start coming and you will start feeling better in your body.

It's can't not happen. And like I said before, even if you don't a hundred percent heal this lifetime, what if you healed like 50% and you felt good along the way? Wouldn't that be worth it? It's worth it to me. That seemed like a pretty good deal. Like I said,

I work with my clients, not only on the practical, on the, what to eat, what not to eat, to like all of those things, which are very important. But until you take a really deep look at the foundational, emotional, spiritual, mental aspects. Then you can take all the action you want you're always gonna be brought back.

To where your set point is. You might feel good for a little while, but then, a symptom will pop out somewhere else. And I see that over and over with people with invisible illness, they get one under control and then another one, springs up. And it's because we haven't

dealt with the foundational things that are causing the DIS-ease in the first place. 

[00:27:51] Wendy: Yes. And I've heard it somewhere that don't be a counter of ones. Like everything that does go right. We will dismiss for that one bad comment.

That one negative review. 

[00:28:02] Emily: Which always has more to do with the person who's giving it than it has anything to do with you. Maybe it points out something that you can improve, but that's great. That's something to improve. Then you can focus on the improvement as opposed to the comment.

[00:28:14] Wendy: That was his point. Sometimes if we are caught in this negative self-talk, because of that foundational disease or whatever that is, how many people say it was great, it doesn't matter. As soon as we hear that one negative, that's what our focus is as opposed to.

going with the joy, nevermind that we're not everybody's cup of tea.

[00:28:31] Emily: My gosh, I have a quote up on my wall and it says, I might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm someone shot of whiskey. I'm sorry. I spent so much of my life, the majority of my life, trying to please everyone.

Around me, because that was how I was raised to be , especially as women, we are trained to be people pleasers. And you can't heal your body if all of that healing energy is being focused on people and things outside of ourselves. It's like the being on the airplane.

And if you go down the oxygen masks, pop out, you have to put yours on first before you're any good to anyone else. And that's where my work is to remind women that you are worthy of taking the best care of yourself, and that if you do. You are going to be so much more valuable to the people in your life, to your career, all of those things, but you need to take a time out a pause and look at some of these things and work on some of these things before, you give away all of your energy and it's a lifelong process.

There's always gonna be little clarifications and adjustments we wanna make along the way, but it's, if you know that it's a lifelong journey, then that takes the pressure of getting it right off. You just do your best every day. That you're a good person who deserves good things and you trust that good is coming to you.

Those are very simple phrases and ideas, but it's surprising how few people actually believe them for themselves. And that's where we gotta start. 

[00:30:06] Wendy: So I wanna wrap that up with this question, cuz this has been fabulous and I could talk to you for another two hours, but if you are somebody who, who really has been in the midst of going to doctors, not being listened to. Feeling oh my gosh, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get through this?

What is one step? One simple step that they can do that they can do for themselves to start to figure it out.

[00:30:27] Emily: Such a good question. I think the easiest place to start is, especially for those of us who have children is to really start looking at ourselves as a child. There is an inner child inside all of us. That needs as much love and as much support as any child in the world and to really start loving and treating yourself as you would your own child, you would never say you're not worthy to your own child.

You would never say suck it up. You would ask questions, you would give them the benefit of doubt. When you look at them, you would say, you're beautiful. You deserve all the good in the world. That self talk can be very strange. It can feel very weird in the beginning, but.

Over the years, I flipped the switch of looking in a mirror and criticizing A,B, C, D E of what I saw to looking myself in the mirror and saying, you're beautiful. You deserve good things. I love you. It's night and day. What starts coming into your world when you really start truly self-loving yourself. Like I'm not talking, self-love like a massage, which, those are great, but really start to.

Love yourself. Not to hand that off to your spouse, not to hand that off to anyone else, but love yourself as fiercely as you love others. That's usually the tipping point when the work can really begin.

[00:31:54] Wendy: That is fantastic. And yes, that was mine. Is that I had a mentor who said. You can look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you're worthy.

Just tap on your chest, look at your, and say, I am worthy. And I was like, Uh. The first time I did that, I balled into tears I was like, who is? It was so foreign to me. 

[00:32:12] Emily: Yes. But it gets easier. And then it becomes your truth. Another quick tip is any time, like you hear a love song on the radio, sing it to yourself.

 I do that all the time. I will sing it to myself in the mirror. And usually there are tears involved, cuz you're like, oh my God, I'm not used to like receiving this self love. And that is what we're looking for. We are out all day, every day looking for things. And that's what we're really looking for is just that connection with ourselves.

That's the foundation for everything. 

[00:32:42] Wendy: This has been fantastic. And I literally could speak to you for another four to five hours but how can our listeners find you talk to you more?

[00:32:51] Emily: My website, which I'm sure you'll put notes and stuff like that.

It's EmilyShaules.com. And then my Instagram account is shift dot yourself. So either of those two places you can find me. I've created an online course and we have a free hour long webinar that people can have. And it's called the real reason why you have invisible illness. And so if you just go to EmilyShaules.com you can sign up.

[00:33:15] Wendy: It has been a pleasure talking to you. To all my listeners, Please stay healthy please, and take care of yourself until next time. 



Emily ShaulesProfile Photo

Emily Shaules

Transformational Coach

Emily is a Transformational Coach who works primarily with women with invisible illness. She is also the Executive Director of the Julian Ranch Retreat Center in Julian, CA. A former attorney, professional actor, and Founder/CEO, Emily went from being suicidal and on 25 pills a day by the time she was 30, to thriving in her body, mind and spirit.

She utilizes Hermetic and Universal laws, as well as practical health and wellness knowledge, to help those who are sick of the struggle and want to design a dream life that honors their body and experience. Emily lives in Encinitas, CA and is obsessed with dogs and Schitt's Creek ;-)