July 11, 2023
Getting Out of Your Own Way: A Heartfelt Conversation with Amanda Cox on Prioritizing Self-Care and Embracing Change
Have you ever wondered why we often neglect our needs and put others first? Amanda Cox, a revered National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, brings her wisdom to our conversation today, revealing the reality of our self-imposed constraints and the societal pressures that fuel them. This episode is an introspective journey into why we feel undeserving of rest and how our people-pleaser nature often takes the driver's seat. Amanda inspiringly recounts her path, which led her to entrepreneurship.
We dive deeper as Amanda showcases the significance of discerning when to pull back and prioritize self-care. We uncover strategies to determine when it's time to reshuffle our focus and the vitality of establishing and respecting our limits. What are the tell-tale signs of self-sabotage, and how can we avoid falling into this trap? Amanda graciously shares these insights and more as we explore the beauty of empathizing with others' narratives. We conclude this enlightening discourse by emphasizing the necessity for personal evolution, reconciling with our past, and releasing ourselves from guilt and humiliation. Join us for this empowering exchange that accentuates the potency of honesty, adopting an abundance mindset, and how these can draw in better clients.
Offer: Webinar to help set goals.
Offer Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y4z38-fN2m665CW-_cAv_menK8lFOgpF/view?usp=share_link
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Chapters
00:00 - Getting Out of Your Own Way
10:02 - Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Embracing Change
18:13 - Embrace Growth, Make Peace With Past
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hi everyone.
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My name is Wendy Manganero and I am the host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast.
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I'm so happy to have you find us And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, i'd really appreciate it.
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This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business.
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So sit back, relax and learn from the practical to the woo-woo.
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How did best take care of you?
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Have a great day, stay blessed and leave a review when you're done listening to the show.
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Thanks so much.
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Hi everyone.
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Today's topic is get out of your own way, and I have special guest, amanda Cox, and I'm going to read her bio and we'll get right into the show.
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Amanda is a national board certified health and wellness coach.
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After a decade in the fitness and wellness industry, she became a wellness coach.
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Wellness coaching allows her to connect with clients and topics that are most important to them.
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She is a master's of science and kinsiology and a bachelor's of science and health promotion and assessment from James Madison University in Virginia.
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Currently, she owns and operates her own private coaching and practice, while building the high wellness center with her business partner, madison McElroy.
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Welcome, amanda.
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Hey Wendy, thanks for what you're having me.
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Yes, this is a long time coming for this recording, so I'm so happy that we finally have connected and we're doing this.
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I have to give you a shout out congratulations.
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The reason why it was a long time coming is Amanda is a new mother to twin boys, she just told me, so congratulations on that.
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Yes thanks so much.
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Yes, just took a quick pause, had the boys and now we are back at it.
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Yes, and on a whole different topic, what a beautiful thing that you already had your own coaching business prior to having boys, because there's nothing like being able to be home, still be able to do your business and be with your children, so that's awesome.
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Thanks for saying that.
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That was a huge decision that my husband and I made and I'm so glad I took the leap of faith.
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So totally random, but yes, you're listening to this and you are thinking about starting your own coaching business, just for freedom and flexibility and your own personal peace.
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This is the sign you were waiting for.
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Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
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I went back to work for my son's first two and a half years and because he got sick so much in daycare, i was like I'm going, this is not working, and so it was actually much better for him and he's almost 17 but I've done my own thing since he was three and it's worked out much better so I could have the flexibility to raise my child, which has been wonderful, which kind of leads to our topic of getting out of your own way.
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I'd love to know from you what getting out of your own way mean.
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Yeah, absolutely So.
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I think that a lot of coaches get into a niche or feeling like they need to have this crazy specific thing that they work on And it's always good to have a tagline in mind is just getting out of your own way and helping people get out of their own way, and to me it means stop saying yes to things that really should be no, stop over committing Eat lunch, stop making yourself go super hungry on long meetings or the things that really should be no.
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Brainers.
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Life just gets busy, and especially for moms.
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But to me, getting out of your own way is just doing the things that you know are going to make you feel better and feel like yourself, so that, ultimately, you can be the best version of yourself.
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I love that.
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You said something very key there.
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You were talking about how it should be, no brainers.
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And yet for some people it is really a conscious decision.
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I'll walk through that problem I'll eat, when I'm done I'll use the bathroom, or I won't stop, or and I have been very guilty of any of all of those things during my career.
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So for you, i'd love to know we'll get back into a little bit of your journey of how you got there.
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But I'd love to know what do you think is some of the reasoning behind why Because you know, this show is about self care Touch the opposite of self care when we put our needs last like that.
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And yet at some point in time, most female entrepreneurs will do that to themselves And I love to know why we sometimes do that.
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Yeah, i've been coaching for three years now and I coach probably 20 people or so a week And then a monthly.
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That changes people go biweekly.
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So I feel like I have a good pulse on a general reason, if that makes sense, and so for me it really boils down to not feeling like they are worthy of the moment or worthy of the pause.
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They feel like being productive and getting the next thing done And I can wait where the other person or the other thing can't.
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That's probably where it comes from Just feeling the need to put themselves second And the other big thing and I don't mean this in a negative way, but our society and who we are as humans.
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We are people pleasers And I do believe that people pleasing is looked at as a negative characteristic, but I actually don't think it is at all If you think about who we are as human beings.
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We evolved because we had society and we had civilization, and the only way we are able to get to where we are today is by working together and helping people out and maybe putting yourself second and thinking about somebody other than yourself, with a team mentality, and so I do think it's a survival mechanism.
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I do think it's very human.
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But how do we balance that out Is also making sure we take care of our needs.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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It's so funny.
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Yesterday they had to cancel because of a storm, but I thought I was having my older son is fiance over for dinner And I also had to run my mom to a doctor's appointment And in the morning you're talking about this I actually have to tell myself put your active oxygen mask on first, before you get into the day of doing everything for everyone.
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And actually which was funny, because I was like, oh yeah, i'm cooking, i'll be rushing like a crazy woman tonight, so instead of putting everything into a slow cooker nap But even that took me years because I would have said yes And then I would have recorded podcasts all afternoon and then been crazy cooking And I was like, no, i don't do it that way anymore, but I like how you said in the moment, because that's what sometimes happens is that we do that and then we forget or we don't feel so great about ourselves in another moment And then suddenly it's acceptable all of these things that we're saying yes to, that we may not want to, and again for your listener, who may be sitting there right now with a grumbling belly or a dry mouth or husband meeting to get out from their desk or take that shower, this is your sign.
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This podcast is all about self care and making sure that you're doing what you need to be doing.
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And so right here, right now, this is your moment.
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Go take it, because I think a lot of us either wait for permission or wait for an invitation, and it's not common.
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Go brand, go capture it, be what you need to be in this moment, kind of thing.
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Yeah absolutely, And permission is a big part of those are key words for me.
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I think that's what happens is we do wait for somebody else to give permission And it goes back to we only have this one life.
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I don't know who we're waiting for The end of the day, how do we want to live it?
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But I'd love to know from you what's been your journey to get out of your own way.
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Have you always been somebody with great boundaries, Or has this been something that you've learned And now you're able to share that example with others?
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Oh, it's definitely something I've learned, it's my nature.
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I'm a really warm person, i like to be giving and I like to think about others.
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And so it is hard because, again, we people please, we want people to like us, and again, i think that is totally fine.
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I think again the message gets caught up of, oh, don't care what other people think, well, i don't care what a stranger on the street thinks of me, but somebody that I love and value, i definitely care about what they think about me, and that's, again, normal and natural.
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So for me I would say pretty structured upbringing, and I was all over the place all the time, and so I know that's structured and crazy, but yes, i did all the activities, all the sports, dancing, competitive, everything after school just insanely crazy.
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And so I was saying yes, yes, yes to a lot of things And through happenstance, it led me to believe that the more I said yes, the more I overextended, the more I did, the more praise I would get, the more popular I'd become, the more people would value me.
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And so that was who I was, i would say, from 16 to 26.
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So, like 10 years of my life, i was definitely in that mindset of more is more.
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More is more when we're talking about, like dessert, but not so much with extracurricular activities.
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But yeah, so then in I would say 2019,.
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I had a big career shift and when I started coaching and it clicked for me, thinking about who I wanted to be, how I wanted to show up And standing up for yourself is actually not easy.
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There's a lot of turmoil that all of a sudden you have to introduce your new self to your friends and your family.
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I'm so sorry you knew me when I didn't have boundaries.
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I'm sorry you knew me when I said yes to everything without blinking an eye.
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And so now here I am and I hope that you love and respect me this way.
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So I would say it's been the last three years of getting to this part of who I am and how I show up and then also ultimately coaching my clients through that same kind of mindset.
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Yeah, and that's interesting, as you're talking about setting boundaries and saying to others who may know you as somebody who doesn't set boundaries, and that changed.
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And I don't know about you.
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I have let go of people and not with malice.
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I've had to let go of people and say that doesn't suit me anymore, and it's always interesting.
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I'll give you a perfect example in my life, my husband and I ran a nonprofit for eight years and it grew in a massive size and it's still going on.
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We actually handed it over to a few of the clients I know that sounds strange, but it was a homeless outreach nonprofit and people who got off the street and doing so, while a couple of them are running it now, which is good, amazing.
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But you get so tangled up until, yes, i have to do this, yes, i have to do that.
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And we were here eight years and we wanted to move home.
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And getting to that acceptance point and getting over that, what will people think?
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which, again, i agree with you that there are some people who are important, but there are other people where it's like, ok, this is too much and I need to refocus and take care of myself.
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And how are we going to do that as a family because we've overgiven for so long.
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So that's I love that you said that and I'm sure that's what you find too is that there are some people who are very OK with that, if you've been at.
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The other key point are we looking at who matters in that question of what does that person think through that lens?
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Right, because I find that sometimes we care too much what people think that really may not have relevance on our day-to-day life.
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Yeah, and I've read this a million times over again Would you accept advice from somebody you don't?
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I don't say like respect.
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I get a lot of respect for you as a human being.
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That's obviously not what I mean, but do you want to be more like that person?
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Do you want to have a career like that person, a family like that person?
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No, well then, maybe their life experience or their advice or their criticism or feedback, that's not for you anyway.
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So I think we're so hot when it comes to people again not liking us, and I don't know, i don't like everybody.
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It's self, and I think it's okay for people that are not like me very much.
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So it's okay, yeah, yeah, and that's true.
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One of the first things I think in business is I'm not going to want to work with everybody.
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I tried to.
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No, it was terrible, it was awful.
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And my husband feel it.
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Then I'd work with the same people that didn't work out the first time and my husband would look at me and at the time and be like you do remember what happened.
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Well, no, this time it's going to be different.
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No, no, it's still not a good match for us.
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You know how to learn that boundary issue of going.
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It's okay that not everybody's going to like me.
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Yeah, and it's hard, it's a continuous thing, especially if there's somebody out there that you do respect and do want to be more like and would like as a mentor or something, and then they're like, eh, not really feeling you so much, like, wow, okay, and that's again totally okay.
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There's so many people on this planet that do want to interact with you that would love you.
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Absolutely, absolutely.
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So those female entrepreneurs who are listening, what would you say is some of the warning signs that they are getting in their own way?
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Oh my gosh, yes.
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Feeling anxious, any sort of shift in like their mental space.
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Very rarely are we just going to create more time or more time is going to appear.
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We're not going to get a 26th hour of the day, so we're going to obviously say no to things or and become more efficient with our things.
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So if they're feeling just like they're time management, it's awful, obviously, if their behavior is changing.
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And what I mean by that is if normally someone asks you a favor, and most of the time you'd be like, oh yeah, sure.
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And then this time someone asks you, hey, would you mind doing this for me?
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And you blow up with that person.
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You're like, how dare they, how could they even ask?
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that mean that they don't have capacity to say yes anymore And that means they're saying yes to other things.
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And then the other thing again just getting in your own way is just having those limited beliefs.
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Or like telling that story, that super old story, over and over and over again, that you're not good enough, or you're not worthy, or you can, or you're not smart enough, or you don't have enough money, or whatever that is.
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It's those stories.
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And so I do a lot of perception changing with my clients, where, when we start our call, they have this limiting belief, where they have this story and we debunk it and pull out the facts to get them out of the way.
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I make the imagery of that person walking into the wall over and over and over again And then, if they just ship to the right, oh hey, there's a door with a handle.
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So that, to me, is what getting out of their own way means.
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And the last thing I'll add to that is what are you ignoring?
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There's so many resources out there in the universe.
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Podcasts are my absolute favorite way to learn, actually, but how are you limiting your knowledge, right?
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Because when we live only in our own brain, in our own selves, we're so limited to what we know, what we experience, how we feel, and then you can expose yourself to other people's stories and other people's suffering, and all of that through podcasts, through books, through volunteering, like you were mentioning.
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I got a shelter or something And you can open yourself up to those resources.
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I think you'll become a lot more welcoming person And therefore, again, that's getting that out of your way and getting into who you want to be.
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Yeah, and I love that And giving yourself again we'll go back to the word permission to be able to explore what is out there.
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And I do agree with you that there are times where we get so limited and we don't know, because it's all that we know in front of us.
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Actually, i was having a conversation with somebody the other day.
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They were explaining to me how the managers that they happen to work with they're like well, they any idea you give them, they just don't, they don't take it.
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And I was like well, that's what happens when you say in one industry not that it's not wonderful to be an industry expert, i am all for that And I understand that because I did marketing for years but I'm like you have to open out yourself up to what other similar industries are doing or because you will get so small.
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Yes.
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And it's wonderful to be an expert in what you do, but that there is something about being able to be open, even in self care, like this is the only way I know how to take care of myself.
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And it's amazing how you feel like gives other things a chance.
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You're like, oh, maybe I like something else And I don't know about you, but that the more we become singular, focused, it becomes like almost a fear.
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Then I don't know if that's always how we started out with that, because it was a good thing, but then we get fearful of what if we change that, or what if there's a fear behind that usually.
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Well, you just mentioned at the beginning of the podcast, I had Twin Boys eight weeks ago And so I would say for the last I don't know 11 months of my life, my body has been very different than what I'm used to from a physicality standpoint.
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So if my one way of making myself happy was connecting through high intensity interval training and strength training, which again has been definitely part of who I am and how I identify, I think pregnancy would have very much altered my mindset and my emotions and totally robbed me of the experience, if that makes sense.
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But instead I'm in this when you just said instead of identifying just as one thing am I able to look at, okay, what else can I explore?
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Oh, I like walking.
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Oh, I like yoga.
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Oh, I like stretching, And also, maybe right now, I don't need to work out or days a week to feel good enough or whatever.
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So that's just one example that popped in my head when you were talking about staying in your lane or staying in pigeonhole.
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Every day, actually, you're evolving as a business owner, as a person living in a body, as a mom, as a spouse, whatever it is, And so if you only categorize yourself as that one thing, that's the way you're going to connect, And when that one thing gets taken away, like you're talking about, if you're an entrepreneur and you do this one thing super well, especially with coaching, and then all of a sudden that client isn't there anymore or whatever it might be, yeah, like you're limiting yourself.
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Absolutely So.
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I have one last question for you.
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For those who are listening, they're identifying with some traits that you said, that of getting into their own way.
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What's your first step to get out of?
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your own way.
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Oh my gosh, i love this question so much.
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Make peace with your past period.
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It is okay that you've made mistakes.
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It is okay that you've been not so great person before.
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It is totally okay that you're not that person anymore.
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But until you get really honest with yourself and with who you are and the mistakes you've made and make up peace with that, self-growth becomes really, really hard.
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I would argue you actually can't do it.
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So I did that, like I said, with podcasts.
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I did that with therapy.
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I did that with talking to others.
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I did that with being really real about the mistakes I've made, being honest with the people that are important to me.
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Nobody needs you to go on Facebook or Instagram or write a blog post about all your mistakes so you can cleanse your mind.
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No one needs that.
00:19:24.154 --> 00:19:35.596
But if you're holding something back from somebody and it's limiting you usually that guilt and shame is so heavy then once you let that go, then you can.
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I would guess I'm thinking like to the metaphor I'm holding this guilt and shame, holding this massive rock, and I can put that down, so then I can move the other obstacles in my way.
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But if I'm holding this rock and I don't have the hands or the ability to help me move forward, then I never will.
00:19:52.551 --> 00:19:55.446
So, yeah, make peace with that.
00:19:56.301 --> 00:19:57.968
Absolutely, and I love that you said that.
00:19:57.968 --> 00:20:02.763
And it's interesting that you say that because I'm 100% in agreement.
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I was thinking about when I first opened my business years ago.
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I'd be so afraid of every mistake I made, so so afraid And I wouldn't want to tell a client.
00:20:12.281 --> 00:20:15.910
And in my head every client was going to fire me if I missed.
00:20:15.910 --> 00:20:19.108
And when I started in social media years ago, that was.
00:20:19.128 --> 00:20:31.372
The other thing is, clients would ask me a question about this newest social media platform half of them aren't even here anymore or what should they do on this, and I'd be panicked that I didn't know And it's so vast.
00:20:31.372 --> 00:20:35.348
And then I finally was like it's okay for me not to know everything.
00:20:35.348 --> 00:20:39.567
It's okay for me to say I don't know, let me research that and get back to you.
00:20:39.567 --> 00:20:42.442
But in the beginning it felt like the end.
00:20:42.442 --> 00:20:51.092
And it's when you're not okay with that one because you have other guilt laying around from other things It does it feels like it's the end of the world.
00:20:51.092 --> 00:20:53.989
It feels very traumatic And it doesn't have to be.
00:20:53.989 --> 00:20:57.520
But again, it's exactly what you're saying.
00:20:57.520 --> 00:21:08.786
When you go through and you clean out all of that stuff, all of a sudden, then these things that are coming up to you aren't such a big deal because you're not connecting them, every single thing, to a past mistake that you've made.
00:21:09.381 --> 00:21:10.584
Yeah, and you're self worth.
00:21:10.584 --> 00:21:11.425
It's not.
00:21:11.425 --> 00:21:14.962
Oh, you don't know that one thing, you must be really dumb.
00:21:14.962 --> 00:21:16.689
No, that's not at all true.
00:21:16.689 --> 00:21:23.667
Right, there's so many things out there, and how beautiful and wonderful for you to say to your client I actually don't know.
00:21:23.667 --> 00:21:25.394
Would you want to explore that together?
00:21:25.394 --> 00:21:27.356
Would you want to find some things out together?
00:21:27.356 --> 00:21:30.153
Or I'm super happy to be like yeah, let me look into that.
00:21:30.153 --> 00:21:32.605
Actually, i don't know, and I have such a great network.
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I would be like let me see in my network who knows that or who has that.
00:21:36.021 --> 00:21:41.843
And to me, that's building bridges and that's building humility, and that's actually what our clients need from us.
00:21:41.843 --> 00:21:44.431
Our clients actually don't need us to know everything.
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They need us to be honest.
00:21:45.803 --> 00:21:55.804
And the more honest and real I've become with myself, the more my coaching practice has grown, and I don't think that's an accident.
00:21:57.208 --> 00:22:00.298
Yeah, and it's so funny when I don't have my agency anymore.
00:22:00.298 --> 00:22:08.166
But when I did, everybody was always amazed because I would give out referrals and they'd say you don't want to fear.
00:22:08.166 --> 00:22:11.915
I was like no, i just want you to go to the right person and have it done correctly.
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And I've always got more business that way, because I wasn't trying to sell something that wasn't in my zone of genius and I was okay with that.
00:22:18.830 --> 00:22:27.497
And B because it's okay, everybody has their own zone of genius and to allow them to do that well is just as important.
00:22:27.497 --> 00:22:38.327
So it's an amazing thing when you can take that switchover to be like it's okay, nope, this is not the right client for me or this isn't the right project for me, and I think it's the right person.
00:22:38.327 --> 00:22:44.574
There's such freedom in that, especially when you're new in business but you don't realize that because you're afraid of sometimes not making that money.
00:22:44.574 --> 00:22:50.057
But there's such freedom in that because you'll attract better clients as you do that.
00:22:51.046 --> 00:22:55.448
Yeah, and what you're talking about is coming through a mindset of abundance as opposed to scarcity.
00:22:55.448 --> 00:23:09.890
When you're a new coach or a new business owner, or even if you're operating from a place of high anxiety and maybe mental health needs to be like checked on or whatever comes from, you're not in your great spot.
00:23:09.890 --> 00:23:11.153
Everyone knows what I'm talking about.
00:23:11.153 --> 00:23:21.696
You come from this mindset of scarcity and there can be only me and if there's any competition, i'm going to fail or whatever that might look like.
00:23:21.696 --> 00:23:31.446
And so when you can be calm and have a team mentality and the yes of the right things, you can start operating from a mindset of abundance.
00:23:31.446 --> 00:23:33.770
And, my gosh, you're nervous.
00:23:33.770 --> 00:23:36.457
Just don't relax, and it's gorgeous.
00:23:38.106 --> 00:23:40.914
Yeah, i completely agree 150%.
00:23:40.914 --> 00:23:43.663
So I loved having this conversation.
00:23:43.663 --> 00:23:46.935
I'm glad you made it because we got to announce the excitement of your new boys.
00:23:46.935 --> 00:23:59.542
I know you have an offer, so I want to let you tell our listeners about that and then I'll have the Lincoln show notes Yeah, so it's a quick one that you can watch at any time, recorded at the new year.
00:23:59.903 --> 00:24:12.902
And we are speaking about ditching the word resolutions because to me, the industrial revolution and the American revolution, so we're changing so much and it's an upheaval And that is scary.
00:24:12.902 --> 00:24:15.772
So we're not completely changing our life.
00:24:15.772 --> 00:24:30.500
We are having goals, intentions and shifts in our mindset that fit into our current life, which, again, way better for our nervous system, and so I hope you give it a listen and learn something, especially learning language.
00:24:30.500 --> 00:24:32.708
I think it's really helpful when learning a new skill.
00:24:32.708 --> 00:24:36.758
It's all about goals instead of resolutions, and I hope you enjoy it.
00:24:37.066 --> 00:24:40.040
Thank you so much, and thank you so much for coming on the show, amanda.
00:24:40.040 --> 00:24:42.088
I really appreciated our conversation today.
00:24:42.509 --> 00:24:43.432
Absolutely My pleasure.
00:24:45.117 --> 00:24:52.577
If you're listening and you love what you heard today, please subscribe so that you can get more self-care tips in the weeks to come.
00:24:52.577 --> 00:24:56.630
And if you love what Amanda said, please leave a review In the meantime.
00:24:56.630 --> 00:24:58.352
have a blessed and abundant week.
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Health and Wellness Coach
Amanda Cox is a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach. After a decade in the fitness and wellness industry, she became a Wellness Coach. Wellness Coaching allows her to connect with clients on topics that are most important to them. She has a Master's of Science in Kinesiology and Bachelor's of Science in Health Promotion & Assessment from James Madison University in Virginia. Currently, she owns and operates her own private coaching practice while building The Hive Wellness Center with her business partner Maddison McElroy.
