Nov. 19, 2022
"Toxic Relationships: How To Spot Them Personally And Professionally - A Conversation with Rosemary Pagliaro"
In this eye-opening episode of the "Wellness and Wealth" podcast, we delve deep into the intricate dynamics of toxic relationships with the insightful Rosemary Pagliaro. Recognizing and addressing toxic relationships is paramount to our well-being, whether in our personal lives or professional endeavors. Join us as Rosemary Pagliaro shares her expertise and experiences, shedding light on the subtle signs and red flags that can help us spot toxic relationships. With a wealth of personal develo...
In this eye-opening episode of the "Wellness and Wealth" podcast, we delve deep into the intricate dynamics of toxic relationships with the insightful Rosemary Pagliaro. Recognizing and addressing toxic relationships is paramount to our well-being, whether in our personal lives or professional endeavors.
Join us as Rosemary Pagliaro shares her expertise and experiences, shedding light on the subtle signs and red flags that can help us spot toxic relationships. With a wealth of personal development and relationship knowledge, Rosemary provides valuable insights and practical advice for navigating these challenging situations.
In this candid conversation, we explore the emotional toll toxic relationships can take on our mental and physical health and how identifying and addressing them can be a transformative step toward a happier, healthier life. Rosemary's wisdom and guidance offer a roadmap to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and foster more positive, nurturing relationships.
Whether you've encountered toxicity in your personal life or faced it within your professional sphere, this episode equips you with the knowledge and tools to spot these relationships and regain control of your well-being.
Tune in now to gain valuable insights and inspiration on recognizing and addressing toxic relationships personally and professionally. It's time to prioritize your wellness and wealth!
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.569 --> 00:00:01.169
Hi everyone.
00:00:01.169 --> 00:00:06.719
My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast.
00:00:06.809 --> 00:00:08.789
I'm so happy to have you find us.
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:13.949
And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it.
00:00:14.939 --> 00:00:23.850
This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business.
00:00:24.329 --> 00:00:25.769
So sit back, relax.
00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:30.239
And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you.
00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:32.070
Have a great day.
00:00:32.100 --> 00:00:33.000
Stay blessed.
00:00:33.719 --> 00:00:38.090
And leave a review when you're done listening to the show, thanks so much.
00:00:38.090 --> 00:00:38.840
Hi everyone.
00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:42.954
We have another amazing guest today, Rosemary Pagliaro.
00:00:43.036 --> 00:00:49.417
She is the jack of all trades, but to say the least, she has been a survivor engineer and teacher among other things.
00:00:49.627 --> 00:00:53.046
She's a mother of two wonderful daughters and a wife to an amazing husband.
00:00:53.347 --> 00:01:01.777
She's a level one certified precision nutritionist and certified 200 hour yoga teacher, currently finalizing her personal training certificate.
00:01:01.987 --> 00:01:11.527
She's excited to help those looking for answers on how to change their lifestyles to something more resolute or to help those in need of a body overhaul.
00:01:11.746 --> 00:01:12.587
Welcome, Rosemary.
00:01:12.587 --> 00:01:13.606
Thanks for being here with us.
00:01:14.384 --> 00:01:16.091
Thank you for having me, and I'm enjoying being here.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:25.198
I like our topic today because when it comes to entrepreneurs and business, I don't think people realize they can attract toxic relationships in their own business.
00:01:25.198 --> 00:01:29.549
But I wanna know from you what your definition of a toxic relationship is.
00:01:29.620 --> 00:01:33.691
That's a good question and it varies with each individual and each situation of course.
00:01:33.745 --> 00:01:39.094
I consider toxicity is the me scenario all about me.
00:01:39.424 --> 00:01:41.075
They don't see the bigger picture.
00:01:41.102 --> 00:01:42.453
It's like a tunnel vision.
00:01:42.843 --> 00:01:48.063
For yourself and in a work environment, we did tend to develop that kind of tunnel vision.
00:01:48.063 --> 00:01:49.603
Everybody does at some point.
00:01:49.655 --> 00:01:56.265
But where it becomes toxic to me in this business relationship is when it stays that way.
00:01:56.272 --> 00:01:57.233
Whenever we don't.
00:01:57.832 --> 00:02:03.233
Take into account the others around us with a situational awareness around us as well.
00:02:03.233 --> 00:02:05.492
And we take one track and one minded.
00:02:05.492 --> 00:02:12.288
And that's, that seems to be and that's in anything, not just business personal friendships, that's another one that is not talked about.
00:02:12.292 --> 00:02:16.069
Usually when you do a business and you talk about relationships you become friends.
00:02:16.137 --> 00:02:21.204
Especially with small businesses, you try to make it like a family and family can be toxic as well.
00:02:21.834 --> 00:02:24.024
And so can your business family.
00:02:24.088 --> 00:02:34.206
I like that you said you it could be from growing up, but the reality is like how we relationship is usually how we relationship whether it's our family, our business, our community.
00:02:35.146 --> 00:02:42.646
I think that we keep replicating relationships sometimes if we don't know how to break the pattern of the relationship.
00:02:42.697 --> 00:02:55.659
I was talking to somebody, they're like I'm changing jobs because of so and so and and I'm like, They're gonna have the same person there, any job they go to, because I think it's on us to do the changing.
00:02:56.360 --> 00:03:00.229
I completely agree, especially when it comes to, like you said relationships, environment.
00:03:00.229 --> 00:03:01.340
It could be a mix of both.
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:06.478
And you're right humans, anybody tends to take that path of least resistance.
00:03:06.478 --> 00:03:10.138
If it involves so much change, we don't wanna do it.
00:03:10.582 --> 00:03:12.323
We innately just don't want to.
00:03:12.323 --> 00:03:16.293
Going back to health and wellness, you see these fads of, oh take this pill and you'll lose 20 pounds instantly.
00:03:16.293 --> 00:03:20.531
Eat this thing for several days and you'll lose the weight like that.
00:03:20.561 --> 00:03:31.009
I had cabbage soup Diet came up one time and for me I'm going Yeah, you, Okay, So it's cabbage broth, but, and maybe a little protein, but where some of the carbs, I mean your brain needs carbs to function.
00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:32.460
It's that same kind of scenario.
00:03:32.509 --> 00:03:39.409
We tend to find the thing that's the easiest to do and we don't wanna break the habit to make it better.
00:03:40.199 --> 00:03:49.432
Some people want that because it makes them feel good when other people come together to dote on them.
00:03:49.483 --> 00:03:58.324
What got me with toxic relationships to begin with was narcissism, that's that seems to be one of the key elements in a toxic relationship is a form of narcissism.
00:03:58.329 --> 00:03:59.152
And there's several forms.
00:03:59.159 --> 00:04:07.514
And that feeling of wanting to be doted on constantly, so always trying to find the worst case scenario to put yourself in.
00:04:07.538 --> 00:04:14.618
But the nice thing is when there's others involved, you tend to have that support that tells you this is not good.
00:04:15.188 --> 00:04:20.016
When it's one on one, that's where it prolongs the inevitable.
00:04:20.016 --> 00:04:31.779
I was gonna ask you about that too, because when you started your description of toxic relationships, I was like that sounds very familiar to someone who's a narcissist.
00:04:31.779 --> 00:04:41.555
And if you have not been in a relationship with a narcissist, any type of relationship with a narcissist, sometimes you don't know until you you're in the midst of it, how much.
00:04:42.036 --> 00:04:49.406
It is all about them and they never ask how you're doing or if you say anything, they change it back to themselves.
00:04:50.105 --> 00:04:57.005
And you could even go there to tell them something and like they don't hear it because they spin it on themselves so quickly.
00:04:57.915 --> 00:04:59.064
And that's habitual.
00:04:59.665 --> 00:05:01.254
So this is something that's developed.
00:05:01.254 --> 00:05:13.192
This is something that is continuous and the thing that narcissists do or anybody with that's in a relationship with someone that's toxic does is they search out for people that are going to feed their habit.
00:05:13.951 --> 00:05:15.422
Think of it like an addiction.
00:05:15.781 --> 00:05:16.802
They want to find someone.
00:05:16.802 --> 00:05:21.201
Eventually the people that they use and abuse are going to see it.
00:05:21.622 --> 00:05:23.331
And it might be a year, two years, or.
00:05:23.392 --> 00:05:24.887
It will be seen eventually.
00:05:24.887 --> 00:05:26.266
And then what do they do?
00:05:26.312 --> 00:05:29.785
They have a tendency to move on to someone else.
00:05:29.850 --> 00:05:32.190
And the cycle just starts over and over again.
00:05:32.190 --> 00:05:36.324
And I think that's what makes this difficult right.
00:05:36.324 --> 00:05:40.276
Or so interesting and so hard in a nutshell.
00:05:41.857 --> 00:05:48.059
During the pandemic I did a lot of reach outs on LinkedIn, as I don't mind talking to anybody during the pandemic especially.
00:05:48.059 --> 00:05:53.555
But this person asked me to get on the phone with them about business, which I was like, Oh, cool.
00:05:53.576 --> 00:05:54.137
That's great.
00:05:55.307 --> 00:05:58.668
And they literally started insulting me from the moment I got on the phone.
00:05:59.598 --> 00:06:06.827
It was I can't believe you don't eat in this place to about how much money they had and how lucky I was they were thinking about working with me.
00:06:07.069 --> 00:06:12.326
By the time the end of the phone call, I had started typing up my response saying this is not a good fit.
00:06:12.353 --> 00:06:18.959
But that's taken me years of practice cuz at one point in time I would've been like, maybe it was just an off day for him.
00:06:19.740 --> 00:06:21.810
I'm like, No, I'm sorry.
00:06:21.810 --> 00:06:30.512
I'm not getting into a relationship where you let me know you didn't like everything from my last name to where I lived, who I knew.
00:06:30.562 --> 00:06:36.172
And it was all because it was really about them and their last name and what they knew.
00:06:36.172 --> 00:06:38.779
And I was like that's wonderful.
00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:41.600
You go, you with somebody else,
00:06:42.829 --> 00:06:43.699
Exactly.
00:06:43.699 --> 00:06:44.149
Yeah.
00:06:44.149 --> 00:07:01.762
And people like that love, live and thrive off of connections, especially online because and that's why I think has spiraled more recently and with Covid is because now they have a mass audience with online, like these Zoom calls and everything.
00:07:01.762 --> 00:07:12.312
And I'm not saying that these aren't, they're both great and hurtful and that's because now they can put their story out to millions of people and they will get quite a few that will bite.
00:07:12.312 --> 00:07:18.915
And I tend to call the ones that take it, the kind of motherly syndrome or the father ly syndrome.
00:07:18.951 --> 00:07:36.666
We want to be there to support, or we have trauma in our past as well from parents that were narcissists possibly that this seems natural, this seems common, anybody else that doesn't fit the mold of a narcissist is unheard of because that's all we've known.
00:07:36.666 --> 00:07:48.247
And then let's take that one step further to business, how they treat their family is also good indicator of how they're gonna react in your business, especially small businesses who, what do they do?
00:07:48.247 --> 00:07:50.026
They try to develop a community.
00:07:50.036 --> 00:08:08.516
Because they want to get those bonds with people, clients, and if you have workers that's what they thrive off will eventually, you will lose clients due to that fact because clients will come in who have had a good relationships in the past, you know what not to expect.
00:08:08.725 --> 00:08:11.846
See this, and then it's a complete turnoff and they walk away.
00:08:11.846 --> 00:08:16.795
So not only is that hurting your business, but then that's also hurting yourself.
00:08:17.786 --> 00:08:18.896
That's an good indicator.
00:08:19.817 --> 00:08:25.574
So in what stage of your life did you realize that relationships could be toxic?
00:08:25.625 --> 00:08:26.314
It took me years.
00:08:26.343 --> 00:08:29.084
Let's just say as a child, I understood.
00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:32.126
The relationship that I was in with my mom.
00:08:32.907 --> 00:08:37.152
And I tried to break free of it when I was in college.
00:08:37.177 --> 00:08:40.052
And this was more so this kind of narcissism was control.
00:08:40.437 --> 00:08:45.594
I need to control every single environment around me, and that's my daughter's environment.
00:08:45.630 --> 00:08:49.039
So I tried to break that control and I did get out of it for a while.
00:08:49.078 --> 00:08:49.918
And it was great.
00:08:50.458 --> 00:09:06.767
Came back in and was doing good, but then you fall into old patterns, especially if a narcissist is using that parental guidance as the be it all know it all syndrome, so you fall into old patterns very quickly.
00:09:06.823 --> 00:09:14.014
And then that led me to my first relationship, which they butter you up, they reel you in, you're like a fish caught on a hook.
00:09:14.014 --> 00:09:15.923
And then once they catch you, they devour you.
00:09:15.927 --> 00:09:28.008
And I went to having friends, to, I was isolated and alone, even from my family in my first relationship and to where it became abusive and that was an indicator to me.
00:09:28.025 --> 00:09:31.118
I had always put up with a lot, but the abuse I would not put up with.
00:09:31.177 --> 00:09:32.330
And I walked away.
00:09:32.397 --> 00:09:42.504
And then I went and sought help for my scenario and the the counselor at the time told me that this stems from childhood and didn't think anything of it.
00:09:42.528 --> 00:09:44.808
Didn't think it was toxic.
00:09:44.839 --> 00:09:49.067
The relationships that I had didn't know what that was, let's put it that way.
00:09:49.067 --> 00:09:50.267
Didn't even know what that was.
00:09:50.393 --> 00:09:57.082
So I got healed from that trauma and got into a wonderful relationship, which is completely opposite of what I've ever known.
00:09:57.232 --> 00:09:58.253
And it's beautiful.
00:09:58.883 --> 00:10:01.493
And then here we go with old habits are hard to kill.
00:10:01.643 --> 00:10:07.306
The parental trying to control even my husband, and he was the one that this has gotta stop.
00:10:07.666 --> 00:10:08.836
This has got to stop.
00:10:08.836 --> 00:10:10.005
And then had families.
00:10:10.005 --> 00:10:17.206
And what really set the tone was when that started passing from grandma to granddaughters.
00:10:18.166 --> 00:10:28.900
That's where everything flooded cause it's different when it's you, but when you start seeing that on another person, on another individual, especially your children it, everything changes.
00:10:29.398 --> 00:10:38.352
And then the same follows into business cuz what you know, You open a business, you try to develop the same type of relationships, old habits, hard to break.
00:10:38.863 --> 00:10:40.743
You invite people into your business.
00:10:40.748 --> 00:10:54.048
You think they're gonna work just as hard as you and do just as well You, because you're a small business and you really wanna make it work and they tell you, Yeah, but again, that's The engagement stage or the first year anniversary stage of like marriage, except with business, they make it all sound.
00:10:55.263 --> 00:10:56.972
They make it all sound like I'm gonna help you.
00:10:57.212 --> 00:11:07.893
But when it came time to really put forth that effort, put forth that work, excuses, they wanted all the glory, but none of the work.
00:11:07.932 --> 00:11:08.562
I want all of it.
00:11:08.562 --> 00:11:11.841
And then when you tried to tell them you need to do this.
00:11:13.001 --> 00:11:16.812
It was, Oh, you should pity me because I have blah going on.
00:11:17.532 --> 00:11:21.948
Oh, you'll understand if I can't, And then excuses becomes non-action.
00:11:22.249 --> 00:11:23.719
Then you start, what happens?
00:11:23.778 --> 00:11:29.479
You lose clients because that carries over into their work.
00:11:29.524 --> 00:11:34.287
And so that's the short of how I know about my, about toxic relationships.
00:11:35.532 --> 00:11:35.831
Yeah.
00:11:35.831 --> 00:11:38.701
And it's funny how you say you don't know until your eyes open.
00:11:38.701 --> 00:11:41.975
I'm back in my home state, which I'm grateful to be here.
00:11:42.005 --> 00:11:47.736
How I got back into my home state is another whole story is because I had a family member pass away.
00:11:48.277 --> 00:11:58.856
And when we found, all of the stuff that they had been doing once we came home and started look at the estate, I started to do this research based on another family member mentioning it.
00:11:59.256 --> 00:12:10.509
This person was such a narcissist and I've always known you can't talk to him and I used to joke about they literally talk about nothing about themselves, and to then see what they had done in their private life afterwards.
00:12:12.188 --> 00:12:13.538
The whole estate's a hot mess.
00:12:13.538 --> 00:12:13.928
Express.
00:12:13.956 --> 00:12:18.620
And it took me a full year to be like, who was this person that I thought I knew that I didn't know?
00:12:18.721 --> 00:12:24.990
But when I started to read about narcissism, I started to go oh, now I see it.
00:12:25.049 --> 00:12:26.250
Now I understand.
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:27.240
Now I get it.
00:12:27.629 --> 00:12:29.269
And so it was never personal.
00:12:29.269 --> 00:12:32.899
It was their makeup and they're gonna push and pull.
00:12:32.899 --> 00:12:48.168
And I completely understand because, I had moved for 10 years, so I was completely out of this family stuff, And for me, I started to learn with my clients first, and then I came back, and you're right, like these old habits of die hard.
00:12:48.168 --> 00:12:50.538
And then I was like, What am I doing?
00:12:51.078 --> 00:12:53.298
I haven't been involved in this for 11 years.
00:12:53.359 --> 00:12:54.139
I'm good with that.
00:12:55.729 --> 00:12:57.318
started the backtrack again.
00:12:57.408 --> 00:12:59.889
And I think there's layers of learning.
00:13:01.224 --> 00:13:07.322
about toxicity and exactly what you're talking about is protecting your children because you don't want them to grow up in the same.
00:13:07.322 --> 00:13:11.110
No the the habits, like I said, you don't want them picking up those habits to begin with.
00:13:11.110 --> 00:13:28.684
And we are in the generation of self love, self care, things like that but my main thing when I very talk about that is, Do self-love and self care to where it only affects you and doesn't expand to other people trying to give you more self-love and self-care, it's a two-way street.
00:13:28.690 --> 00:13:34.534
Here you have self-love for yourself, you have self-love for others, it should be returned as well.
00:13:34.534 --> 00:13:35.615
It should be reciprocal.
00:13:35.669 --> 00:13:38.673
Health and wellness is not just physical.
00:13:38.705 --> 00:13:40.504
And that's just the thing we need to talk off too.
00:13:40.504 --> 00:13:43.955
And that's why toxicity is so important because it's not just physical.
00:13:43.955 --> 00:13:48.274
When we think health and loss think it's all about your physical appearance, all about, and that's a form of toxicity too.
00:13:48.634 --> 00:13:49.394
Body image.
00:13:49.394 --> 00:13:50.464
Even against yourself.
00:13:50.464 --> 00:13:56.097
But even if people have body image against others, I that's a form of toxicity against yourself and against others.
00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:58.450
Self care, is love.
00:13:59.529 --> 00:14:02.440
Mentally as well as physically.
00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:12.034
So when we talk about health and wellness and wellbeing and fitness you can't get right here without getting right what's here and what's here.
00:14:12.034 --> 00:14:20.254
Your heart and your mind, because when those two are in alignment, the physical will come later and that seems to be the first key.
00:14:20.350 --> 00:14:24.879
Along with nutrition I'm whole hardly nutrition, of course, but but yeah, that and that, that's where.
00:14:25.869 --> 00:14:27.999
I think that's where health and wellness needs to begin.
00:14:27.999 --> 00:14:29.288
How can you change old habits?
00:14:29.715 --> 00:14:30.914
I completely agree.
00:14:30.914 --> 00:14:39.779
I think a lot of people go If I lose the 30 pounds, I'll be happier if they do it this physical thing, but they're not dealing with the mental health thing.
00:14:39.779 --> 00:14:52.177
And to even to that point when people have the surgery for the weight loss before they'll even do it, they're like, No, you have to go to counseling because if you don't change the habit and the things that have gotten you here, it's not gonna make a difference.
00:14:52.177 --> 00:14:58.001
You have the surgery, it's a lot of that mental health has to happen so that they don't repeat it.
00:14:58.001 --> 00:15:00.072
Cuz otherwise they're going to have the surgery and have the same.
00:15:01.542 --> 00:15:01.782
Correct.
00:15:01.782 --> 00:15:02.022
Yeah.
00:15:02.022 --> 00:15:07.344
The most common issue in health and wellness is nutrition.
00:15:07.344 --> 00:15:11.244
And the most common issue in nutrition is emotional eating.
00:15:11.272 --> 00:15:22.714
Emotional eating, that is the hardest thing to break with people is that emotional eating cuz you know when you feel sad, you feel, sorry, or you feel emotionally hurt.
00:15:22.714 --> 00:15:23.974
You wanna go for comfort.
00:15:24.033 --> 00:15:30.004
And a lot of people, instead of putting comfort into an activity, they use comfort in form of food.
00:15:30.708 --> 00:15:35.538
And that has been the hardest thing to break in a lot of people.
00:15:35.869 --> 00:15:38.254
And and then also time management.
00:15:38.374 --> 00:15:43.517
Instead of sitting down to meals which I know I'm just, I'm not saying I'm perfect, I do it too.
00:15:43.517 --> 00:15:51.376
Instead of us sitting down to family meals, sometimes we're so pressed with time that we're throwing two or three different dinners at different times.
00:15:51.436 --> 00:15:53.014
Shoveling food in our mouth.
00:15:53.083 --> 00:15:55.068
To try to just get something in.
00:15:55.068 --> 00:15:57.957
And that's the second worst thing is just fast eating.
00:15:57.957 --> 00:16:01.288
Not even enjoying, not even giving our body time to digest.
00:16:01.288 --> 00:16:18.043
But emotion eating is big because turning that back around to toxicity, if someone is constantly keeping you in that emotional state of sadness or depression or anxiety, What do most people turn to?
00:16:18.083 --> 00:16:21.323
It's cheap, it's fast, it's easy food, right?
00:16:21.413 --> 00:16:22.163
Comfort food.
00:16:22.374 --> 00:16:25.283
And so that's why you gain the weight when you're in a toxic relationship.
00:16:25.283 --> 00:16:26.754
And the same with a business, right?
00:16:26.798 --> 00:16:30.499
Because we deal in the realm of nutrition and health and wellness, the same would apply.
00:16:30.504 --> 00:16:37.999
That's why you, especially in that, you don't want people that are gonna be bringing that to the forefront with your clients because they're already coming in vulnerable.
00:16:38.269 --> 00:16:39.589
They're taking that first step.
00:16:41.124 --> 00:16:44.751
and by we're just throwing more fuel on the fire if we endorse that.
00:16:44.751 --> 00:16:47.937
So speaking of entrepreneurship, how do we spot a toxic client?
00:16:47.937 --> 00:17:00.147
And I'll tell you, at least for myself, when I was new in business, I don't know anybody who hasn't taken on that client where they're like, every fiber of their beings going, Don't do this.
00:17:00.147 --> 00:17:20.085
And it becomes the most toxic, horrendous relationship because A, we didn't listen to ourselves in the first place and I've learned over the years, the ones that overly complain about prices usually want you to jump through hoops that nobody else is gonna do for them.
00:17:20.394 --> 00:17:21.474
They want all of the focus.
00:17:21.474 --> 00:17:27.317
Like anytime I've had a client who's can't you, I had to learn to say, No, I don't do that.
00:17:27.317 --> 00:17:38.258
I don't do discounts and only because from experience, those who have asked for, those are the ones that drain every single minute of my workday.
00:17:39.653 --> 00:17:41.002
There's always a drama.
00:17:41.002 --> 00:17:42.563
There's always a catastrophe.
00:17:42.772 --> 00:17:45.682
I can tell you right now, there is no social media catastrophe.
00:17:46.073 --> 00:17:52.732
Even if you get bad reviews, there's very rare social media catastrophes for small businesses.
00:17:52.782 --> 00:17:56.506
And when I deal with people who are toxic, everything is a catastrophe.
00:17:56.579 --> 00:18:01.005
The world is going to, Every day, every minute of the day.
00:18:01.046 --> 00:18:09.422
And it's hard because when I started out as a small business it's hard for people who are just starting out because we want to please everybody so we can get clients in.
00:18:09.991 --> 00:18:14.701
We want to be that person and that community where everybody comes to.
00:18:14.892 --> 00:18:22.887
But the problem with that is eventually the narcissist ones, or not even narcissist, the toxic ones will drain you dry.
00:18:22.887 --> 00:18:26.164
They will sit there and they don't even have a second qualm about it.
00:18:26.644 --> 00:18:29.173
They will drain you dry, and that's how you can spot'em.
00:18:29.173 --> 00:18:35.539
If after a while you've given and given, and they still want more, then you're in a toxic relationship.
00:18:35.570 --> 00:18:44.278
If you've given and they don't give back or they don't go out and spread your word to the community, or they don't try to make it a community or when they walk in the door and everybody cringes.
00:18:45.478 --> 00:18:48.703
Your whole community cringes, that's a, a telltale.
00:18:48.776 --> 00:18:53.246
And again, yeah, learning it the hard way had to do the same thing, try to please everybody.
00:18:53.246 --> 00:18:56.996
And I lost sight of who my true client is trying to do that.
00:18:57.746 --> 00:19:03.222
And and unfortunately that's just the learning curve for anybody starting a business.
00:19:03.272 --> 00:19:03.992
Yeah, I agree.
00:19:03.992 --> 00:19:04.472
I think.
00:19:05.643 --> 00:19:11.762
And I have seen some people who put themselves in it over and over again, and some people are like, No, that's not okay.
00:19:12.073 --> 00:19:14.448
One of the things I ask is what is your perfect client?
00:19:14.448 --> 00:19:15.557
And what is that one client?
00:19:15.586 --> 00:19:19.166
And then we'll do a survey and they go, But this is everybody I don't wanna work with.
00:19:19.237 --> 00:19:19.636
And I.
00:19:20.261 --> 00:19:24.846
You sent it to your client list, let's rethink about who you wanna work with.
00:19:24.915 --> 00:19:25.726
I think you're right.
00:19:25.726 --> 00:19:39.980
I think there is a learning growth and I think that is also that idea of moving from this idea of lack, that if I don't say yes to everybody, somebody who I do wanna work with that isn't toxic, isn't going to come.
00:19:40.755 --> 00:19:41.055
Yeah.
00:19:41.746 --> 00:19:42.615
And the same with clients.
00:19:42.615 --> 00:19:42.826
Yeah.
00:00:00.569 --> 00:00:01.169
00:00:01.169 --> 00:00:06.719
00:00:06.809 --> 00:00:08.789
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:13.949
00:00:14.939 --> 00:00:23.850
00:00:24.329 --> 00:00:25.769
00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:30.239
00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:32.070
00:00:32.100 --> 00:00:33.000
00:00:33.719 --> 00:00:38.090
00:00:38.090 --> 00:00:38.840
00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:42.954
00:00:43.036 --> 00:00:49.417
00:00:49.627 --> 00:00:53.046
00:00:53.347 --> 00:01:01.777
00:01:01.987 --> 00:01:11.527
00:01:11.746 --> 00:01:12.587
00:01:12.587 --> 00:01:13.606
00:01:14.384 --> 00:01:16.091
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:25.198
00:01:25.198 --> 00:01:29.549
00:01:29.620 --> 00:01:33.691
00:01:33.745 --> 00:01:39.094
00:01:39.424 --> 00:01:41.075
00:01:41.102 --> 00:01:42.453
00:01:42.843 --> 00:01:48.063
00:01:48.063 --> 00:01:49.603
00:01:49.655 --> 00:01:56.265
00:01:56.272 --> 00:01:57.233
00:01:57.832 --> 00:02:03.233
00:02:03.233 --> 00:02:05.492
00:02:05.492 --> 00:02:12.288
00:02:12.292 --> 00:02:16.069
00:02:16.137 --> 00:02:21.204
00:02:21.834 --> 00:02:24.024
00:02:24.088 --> 00:02:34.206
00:02:35.146 --> 00:02:42.646
00:02:42.697 --> 00:02:55.659
00:02:56.360 --> 00:03:00.229
00:03:00.229 --> 00:03:01.340
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:06.478
00:03:06.478 --> 00:03:10.138
00:03:10.582 --> 00:03:12.323
00:03:12.323 --> 00:03:16.293
00:03:16.293 --> 00:03:20.531
00:03:20.561 --> 00:03:31.009
00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:32.460
00:03:32.509 --> 00:03:39.409
00:03:40.199 --> 00:03:49.432
00:03:49.483 --> 00:03:58.324
00:03:58.329 --> 00:03:59.152
00:03:59.159 --> 00:04:07.514
00:04:07.538 --> 00:04:14.618
00:04:15.188 --> 00:04:20.016
00:04:20.016 --> 00:04:31.779
00:04:31.779 --> 00:04:41.555
00:04:42.036 --> 00:04:49.406
00:04:50.105 --> 00:04:57.005
00:04:57.915 --> 00:04:59.064
00:04:59.665 --> 00:05:01.254
00:05:01.254 --> 00:05:13.192
00:05:13.951 --> 00:05:15.422
00:05:15.781 --> 00:05:16.802
00:05:16.802 --> 00:05:21.201
00:05:21.622 --> 00:05:23.331
00:05:23.392 --> 00:05:24.887
00:05:24.887 --> 00:05:26.266
00:05:26.312 --> 00:05:29.785
00:05:29.850 --> 00:05:32.190
00:05:32.190 --> 00:05:36.324
00:05:36.324 --> 00:05:40.276
00:05:41.857 --> 00:05:48.059
00:05:48.059 --> 00:05:53.555
00:05:53.576 --> 00:05:54.137
00:05:55.307 --> 00:05:58.668
00:05:59.598 --> 00:06:06.827
00:06:07.069 --> 00:06:12.326
00:06:12.353 --> 00:06:18.959
00:06:19.740 --> 00:06:21.810
00:06:21.810 --> 00:06:30.512
00:06:30.562 --> 00:06:36.172
00:06:36.172 --> 00:06:38.779
00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:41.600
00:06:42.829 --> 00:06:43.699
00:06:43.699 --> 00:06:44.149
00:06:44.149 --> 00:07:01.762
00:07:01.762 --> 00:07:12.312
00:07:12.312 --> 00:07:18.915
00:07:18.951 --> 00:07:36.666
00:07:36.666 --> 00:07:48.247
00:07:48.247 --> 00:07:50.026
00:07:50.036 --> 00:08:08.516
00:08:08.725 --> 00:08:11.846
00:08:11.846 --> 00:08:16.795
00:08:17.786 --> 00:08:18.896
00:08:19.817 --> 00:08:25.574
00:08:25.625 --> 00:08:26.314
00:08:26.343 --> 00:08:29.084
00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:32.126
00:08:32.907 --> 00:08:37.152
00:08:37.177 --> 00:08:40.052
00:08:40.437 --> 00:08:45.594
00:08:45.630 --> 00:08:49.039
00:08:49.078 --> 00:08:49.918
00:08:50.458 --> 00:09:06.767
00:09:06.823 --> 00:09:14.014
00:09:14.014 --> 00:09:15.923
00:09:15.927 --> 00:09:28.008
00:09:28.025 --> 00:09:31.118
00:09:31.177 --> 00:09:32.330
00:09:32.397 --> 00:09:42.504
00:09:42.528 --> 00:09:44.808
00:09:44.839 --> 00:09:49.067
00:09:49.067 --> 00:09:50.267
00:09:50.393 --> 00:09:57.082
00:09:57.232 --> 00:09:58.253
00:09:58.883 --> 00:10:01.493
00:10:01.643 --> 00:10:07.306
00:10:07.666 --> 00:10:08.836
00:10:08.836 --> 00:10:10.005
00:10:10.005 --> 00:10:17.206
00:10:18.166 --> 00:10:28.900
00:10:29.398 --> 00:10:38.352
00:10:38.863 --> 00:10:40.743
00:10:40.748 --> 00:10:54.048
00:10:55.263 --> 00:10:56.972
00:10:57.212 --> 00:11:07.893
00:11:07.932 --> 00:11:08.562
00:11:08.562 --> 00:11:11.841
00:11:13.001 --> 00:11:16.812
00:11:17.532 --> 00:11:21.948
00:11:22.249 --> 00:11:23.719
00:11:23.778 --> 00:11:29.479
00:11:29.524 --> 00:11:34.287
00:11:35.532 --> 00:11:35.831
00:11:35.831 --> 00:11:38.701
00:11:38.701 --> 00:11:41.975
00:11:42.005 --> 00:11:47.736
00:11:48.277 --> 00:11:58.856
00:11:59.256 --> 00:12:10.509
00:12:12.188 --> 00:12:13.538
00:12:13.538 --> 00:12:13.928
00:12:13.956 --> 00:12:18.620
00:12:18.721 --> 00:12:24.990
00:12:25.049 --> 00:12:26.250
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:27.240
00:12:27.629 --> 00:12:29.269
00:12:29.269 --> 00:12:32.899
00:12:32.899 --> 00:12:48.168
00:12:48.168 --> 00:12:50.538
00:12:51.078 --> 00:12:53.298
00:12:53.359 --> 00:12:54.139
00:12:55.729 --> 00:12:57.318
00:12:57.408 --> 00:12:59.889
00:13:01.224 --> 00:13:07.322
00:13:07.322 --> 00:13:11.110
00:13:11.110 --> 00:13:28.684
00:13:28.690 --> 00:13:34.534
00:13:34.534 --> 00:13:35.615
00:13:35.669 --> 00:13:38.673
00:13:38.705 --> 00:13:40.504
00:13:40.504 --> 00:13:43.955
00:13:43.955 --> 00:13:48.274
00:13:48.634 --> 00:13:49.394
00:13:49.394 --> 00:13:50.464
00:13:50.464 --> 00:13:56.097
00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:58.450
00:13:59.529 --> 00:14:02.440
00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:12.034
00:14:12.034 --> 00:14:20.254
00:14:20.350 --> 00:14:24.879
00:14:25.869 --> 00:14:27.999
00:14:27.999 --> 00:14:29.288
00:14:29.715 --> 00:14:30.914
00:14:30.914 --> 00:14:39.779
00:14:39.779 --> 00:14:52.177
00:14:52.177 --> 00:14:58.001
00:14:58.001 --> 00:15:00.072
00:15:01.542 --> 00:15:01.782
00:15:01.782 --> 00:15:02.022
00:15:02.022 --> 00:15:07.344
00:15:07.344 --> 00:15:11.244
00:15:11.272 --> 00:15:22.714
00:15:22.714 --> 00:15:23.974
00:15:24.033 --> 00:15:30.004
00:15:30.708 --> 00:15:35.538
00:15:35.869 --> 00:15:38.254
00:15:38.374 --> 00:15:43.517
00:15:43.517 --> 00:15:51.376
00:15:51.436 --> 00:15:53.014
00:15:53.083 --> 00:15:55.068
00:15:55.068 --> 00:15:57.957
00:15:57.957 --> 00:16:01.288
00:16:01.288 --> 00:16:18.043
00:16:18.083 --> 00:16:21.323
00:16:21.413 --> 00:16:22.163
00:16:22.374 --> 00:16:25.283
00:16:25.283 --> 00:16:26.754
00:16:26.798 --> 00:16:30.499
00:16:30.504 --> 00:16:37.999
00:16:38.269 --> 00:16:39.589
00:16:41.124 --> 00:16:44.751
00:16:44.751 --> 00:16:47.937
00:16:47.937 --> 00:17:00.147
00:17:00.147 --> 00:17:20.085
00:17:20.394 --> 00:17:21.474
00:17:21.474 --> 00:17:27.317
00:17:27.317 --> 00:17:38.258
00:17:39.653 --> 00:17:41.002
00:17:41.002 --> 00:17:42.563
00:17:42.772 --> 00:17:45.682
00:17:46.073 --> 00:17:52.732
00:17:52.782 --> 00:17:56.506
00:17:56.579 --> 00:18:01.005
00:18:01.046 --> 00:18:09.422
00:18:09.991 --> 00:18:14.701
00:18:14.892 --> 00:18:22.887
00:18:22.887 --> 00:18:26.164
00:18:26.644 --> 00:18:29.173
00:18:29.173 --> 00:18:35.539
00:18:35.570 --> 00:18:44.278
00:18:45.478 --> 00:18:48.703
00:18:48.776 --> 00:18:53.246
00:18:53.246 --> 00:18:56.996
00:18:57.746 --> 00:19:03.222
00:19:03.272 --> 00:19:03.992
00:19:03.992 --> 00:19:04.472
00:19:05.643 --> 00:19:11.762
00:19:12.073 --> 00:19:14.448
00:19:14.448 --> 00:19:15.557
00:19:15.586 --> 00:19:19.166
00:19:19.237 --> 00:19:19.636
00:19:20.261 --> 00:19:24.846
00:19:24.915 --> 00:19:25.726
00:19:25.726 --> 00:19:39.980
00:19:40.755 --> 00:19:41.055
00:19:41.746 --> 00:19:42.615
00:19:42.615 --> 00:19:42.826