Dec. 7, 2022
Tricia Parido - There are NO good habits.
Are you a female entrepreneur who believes there is a difference between good and bad habits? Do you know even “good” habits could be holding you back from having an extraordinary life?
This week on the Wellness and Wealth podcast, Tricia Parido of Turning Leaves Recovery Life addresses those things you do to feel good or to cope. She’ll also share how you can keep the things you love, minus the rigidity blocking you from the freedom you truly desire.
In this episode, Tricia Parido answers the following questions:
- What is a habit?
- How do positive habits or goal setting hinder us?
- What is the first step to getting rid of habits and finding more freedom?
Guest Offer: Complimentary 15-day access to Turning a New Leaf A 3 Part Series to begin building your new approach to experiencing living.
Guest Link: https://liveforyourself.teachable.com/purchase?product_id=4088306
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Transcript
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Hi everyone.
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My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast.
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I'm so happy to have you find us.
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And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it.
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This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business.
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So sit back, relax.
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And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you.
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Have a great day.
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Stay blessed.
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And leave a review when you're done listening to the show, thanks so much.
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Hi everyone.
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Welcome to Wellness and Wealth.
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We have Trisha Parido on with us, and we're going to talk about there are no good habits, and of course, we're going to get right into it by reading Trisha's bio.
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Patricia is a recovery life enthusiast, speaker and writer.
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She is a nationally certified life coach and international master's addiction specialist, and a professional life interventionist with a psych degree in process, behavioral and chemical addiction, who loves to help change lives, specializing in life, trans transitions and post-treatment journeys.
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Parido is ever committed to serving her clients worldwide to find the emotional intelligence they need to conquer their life Challenges.
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As an active business owner of a thriving coaching practice Turning Leaves Recovery, Life and Wellness Coaching, seated in evidence based practices, she's not only teaches her clients how to live they desired and live free, but she also teaches those that aspire to become professional coaches how to do so passionately and professionally.
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Tricia has co-authored a release Stepping into the Spotlight.
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That went straight to the best sellers list in multiple countries and also was published in Raising the Bar Volume two, which was featured on Innovators Radio and NBC.
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Beyond that, Tricia has been published on SkillsYouNeed.com, Thrive Global Elephant Journal and Aspire a publication by Walden University, where she is also presented her expertise to alumni just as she did at Bedo Moyo.
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Mos, the Best You Expo and 2021 K.C.A.A.D.E.
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Conference on effective discharge planning.
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Welcome, Trisha.
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Well, that was a mouthful.
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But, thank you,
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You're welcome.
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And just so that the listeners know, we've chatted a couple times back and forth, it has been wonderful getting to know you.
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And I was like, that's right.
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I need to have Trisha on the show.
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So I'm so glad you're here with me.
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I'm very excited.
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Thank you.
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I love our topic today.
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There are no good habits.
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So, of course my signature question, what does habit mean to you?
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I love that you phrased it that way.
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What does it mean to me?
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If we're looking at, if I'm bringing all of the listeners into my world, into the Turning Leaves world, into the world of the clients, a habit is something that if you can't do it, at it's designated time place in whatever order, yada, yada, that it, actually changes you the way that you think, feel, act in the moment.
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So if I can give you a cognitive visualization, think of that 6:00 AM spin class.
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So many moms, they love to get up.
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They do their 6:00 AM spin class.
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It's a good, healthy habit.
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However, as we've all seen in Covid, over and over and over again, our kid gets sick or has symptoms, can't go to school, and now suddenly mom can't go to the 6:00 AM spin class.
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Mom is now irritated, agitated, annoyed, frustrated, bothered, derailed because her regimented routine has been altered.
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A habit can be anything like that.
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A habit for me to, do this, that or the other thing and, and if I can't, then, it messes up my day, it messes my flow, it messes with my energy.
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And that's a choice., So if your habits are holding you hostage, then, that's what I'm, that's what I'm referring to.
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Can I just interrupt you for one second cuz my family knows that I have an hour every morning like that this door stays closed and I'm always like, and you are here.
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Why if they come in now saying that though, like most people would call that a routine.
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The thought process of I have a routine and if, and really it's a lack of fear of change if that routine,
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So I like that you used the word routine, so do a lot of people call it a routine?
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Yes.
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But is it internally a habit that is right or a negative attachment?
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Even if people say, oh, it's an attachment, it's a negative attachment.
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If it causes you distress and you can't have it.
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Or if it doesn't happen when you want it, think of alcohol.
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So if we go into that the habit, if part of my routine to every day come home and have a bottle of wine that is that is a negative attachment to a chemical substance and you have assigned an emotional purpose to it and it doesn't have that is inapproprite.
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So if our morning exercise routine has an emotional purpose, That we cannot sit in and move through without that purpose.
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The whole idea is we want to create a lifestyle, a healthy lifestyle for ourselves.
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But in that, if you think about health, whole health includes six subcategories.
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And in there is your emotional and intellectual.
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So if emotionally you are derailed, because you can't do that 6:00 AM class, you are hurting your emotional health.
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And so you want to have it be a lifestyle, but that lifestyle needs to be, it needs to be resilient.
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We all need more resiliency, which means we need to be bendable, flexible, pliable, because when we're so rigid, When everything's rigid, you think of a rigid piece of plastic?
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If you bend.
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It breaks.
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So we don't wanna be so rigid that we break if we try to, bend to some different way.
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So yes, the fear of change is really the fear of learning something new, experiencing something new.
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And however, the only way to change is to learn something new.
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We don't grow when things are easy.
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We grow and we face challenges, and so we need to have that mindset of can't go to the 6:00 AM spin.
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However, I can go to the 6:00 PM spend class when my husband gets home to sit with the kids.
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Whatever that looks like, it's just, okay, edit, delete, change, shift, morph.
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What do I need to do?
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We need more resiliency, we need more flexibility.
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And I know that there's a lot of things that go into this and it's all a part of, knowing yourself.
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Yeah, and I love that.
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But, that's what I hear is oh, but this is my routine especially when I do work with people who are in business or but a lot of people, they're like, but this is my routine, where would I fit this in?
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And there is no flexibility to fit anything new in because this is where they think that they have to spend their time
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Because they are rigid in their actions.
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So I love that you brought that in.
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Because yes, I hear it all the time.
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I don't have time.
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I don't have time, I don't have time.
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Well, one time is a manmade construct, and we still get to choose.
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So when you're talking about routine, and these are the things that I do for business and when we get so rigid with it, we don't make room for that next thing to add in.
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So when you go and you learn something new, you go listen to a talk or a presentation, or you hear about something and you wanna incorporate it in, this is how our lives become so over raught so instead of going, let me add it at delete, change shift, morph, take a look at my calendar.
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Where can I incorporate this?
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We can be flexible with some of those things.
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I have, specific things that I do in the morning.
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However, if it says, I find something that I wanna add in, I'm like, okay, cool.
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How can I shift these things to make room?
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We got, we always have to be flexible and say, okay, because we don't wanna take more than say whatever our allotted time is.
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For me, it's three hours in the morning and I do very specific things but those things have to be malleable.
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And so if there's something very cool or unique that I want to do, and it means one less day of posting in all of the Facebook groups, so be it or I, change it up a little bit and then maybe go at a faster pace, or I move the communication and the chatting to do a different time slot.
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We almost always have white space.
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But it's all about that flexibility because if we rigidly originally do the exact same thing every day over and over again and expect a different result or a better result, or to grow, like we're gonna continue to hit that glass ceiling.
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And to that point, that goes for personal lives too, where it's so rigid of I have to do this with my kid.
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It's almost like we turn what could be a good thing into a have to, and then it feels like a negative because also with that rigidity, you're like, oh, I have to do this, and whether it's with your family or with your business, it puts too much pressure on you.
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And when you're like that, then you're not enjoying anything you're doing because there is no flexibility.
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It becomes all a chore instead of something that you and have fun with.
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Yes.
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So if we look at personal, I raised five children.
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And so when you look at, people saying, oh, I don't have time.
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Bobby has soccer and Sally has basketball.
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I had five that had whatever.
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So really what you say is your responsibility, is it your responsibility to sit and watch those practices?
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Or is it the responsibility of the coach to do a good job taking care of your kid so that you can actually do something else productive?
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Something for yourself.
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We have to live for ourselves first without feeling guilty, selfish, punished, or restricted.
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And in doing that, we will lead by better example.
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We will be happier, we will be healthier.
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And when I say live for yourself first, it doesn't mean don't take the kids to their practices, but you don't have to sit there and watch.
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It's better for your kids if you don't.
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They actually come out with better skill sets if you don't.
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They also don't need you to give them your interpretation of how well they did at practice.
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That's none of your business.
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It's not your job.
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It's not what you do as a profession.
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Stay out of it.
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Let the coach do their job.
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And I was an athlete my whole life.
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And my parents did that for me and it was great.
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It was great.
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Let me go do my thing.
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I learned how to communicate with other people.
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I learned how to create and form my own relationships.
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I didn't have anybody else critiquing me when, I was already internally critiquing myself highly anyway, and my coach was there to what teach me.
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It was his job to tell me, to watch over the pool and say, Hey, look, your hands are coming a part when you touch the wall because it's his job so that I don't get disqualified in the race that I'm training to win.
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So when we look at that as parents, we take on way too much pressure.
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If your kid if you live close enough for your kids to walk home from school, of course age appropriate.
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I understand.
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But there's just so many things that we take on that, that we don't necessarily have to, and I work with a lot of moms that are, in high level business and then, they were working from home and then, with Covid, the kids and all of this stuff.
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And so they, they're still doing all of the wife mom duties inside the house and their big job and, all of these things.
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And it gets to be overwhelming.
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And when you look at its one thing to have to do the 20 minute drive.
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It's another thing to say, I have to sit here for two hours and watch them practice.
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Let's be smarter about it.
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You're gonna start sitting in the back of the classroom while they're in school making sure they do their work.
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Like, no,
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It's funny that you're talking about this, and this is not with my child cuz my child is very independent, but my mom I take to a community center and for a while, I was going to a coffee shop every day and I was wasting half of my day waiting for her.
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Finally, I was like, go home and you have quiet.
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Not that I wasn't getting stuff done there, but I could get much more done in my own space, my own office, and I was like, what are you waiting for next door You could come home and drive back.
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It's not a big deal.
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And so, I've actually gotten even more stuff, for me done and I've had more quiet time, which has been lovely, because I don't have anybody here in the morning, but it is exactly what you're talking and I don't need to do all of that.
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She'll be fine if I'm five minutes late, they're not gonna kick her out.
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The reverse of the whole parent thing.
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So how did you learn about that there's no good habits because I love hearing people's kind of little stories of moments of clarity that get them there.
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How did I learn?
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Five and a half years of studying process, behavioral and chemical addiction, while I was getting my psych degree, and, learning, the addiction industry, but we won't go into how I ended up, serving the population that I serve, which is what I consider to be the not so normal faces of addiction a very underserved population.
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People that don't need to be removed from their environment and sent away somewhere.
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But how did I realize this in studying and I'm just gonna throw out these clinical terms and then I'm gonna back away from that so it becomes understandable.
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Julian Rodders locus of control theory.
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In studying that and in learning, and gaining that knowledge and the ability, the personal ability to observe, identify, and, change.
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So as the locus of control theory, so the external locus of controlling internal locus of control and really observing how much.
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And so with those external, that's allowing things outside of you, things outside of you to influence, change, manipulate, dictate how you are experiencing living.
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And so that's people, places, things, alcohol, food, shopping.
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All the things.
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So if you have, this.
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Spin class.
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It is something outside of you, but it has the power to control how you think, feel, act, believe.
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People, if they say something to you and you hear it and you and you take it personally, whatever it is.
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So in watching how I had to sign emotional purposes to food and to alcohol and to, all of these things.
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But also the cool part was looking at that internal locus of control.
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So what is that internal dialogue that's going on in some of these situations?
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So that's when I'm seeing, that's where I'm seeing like, oh wait, I'm relying on alcohol, food, whatever to soothe me at the end of a stressful day, I'm relying on alcohol to be or whatever it is to make me more fun in an event I'm relying on, the food at the social event, the food and the alcohol at the social event to calm my social anxiety.
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That hand, mouth, hand, mouth, hand, mouth those are habits and they're nothing good about them and it's that social thing, so you can look at other things.
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Am I relying on this habitual way of engaging on social media?
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If you need that to feel valued, to feel validated, to feel worthy, like you're relying on something outside of you for that, and that needs to come from you.
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So we have to work on getting that and knowing how to, ebb and flow and where your sweet spot is on the continuum, because it is a continuum.
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So if we think about Every child is born in the external locus of control position.
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We rely on people, we cry, we can get a bottle.
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We rely on people to change our diaper, to put on our shoes, get us dressed, feed us all the things.
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If our parents are doing us service, they are leading by an example and allowing us to move into more of an internal locus of control position.
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Yes, we can to a fault get far too internally driven.
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And so we have this, negative internal dialogue, but we also have narcissism.
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But we're not even gonna go there.
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So we take on baggage, but we really want to be moving into, a space of autonomy to be our own unique being and have that sense of esteem and Sure if we don't start talking to say our kids about, sticks and stones may break our bones, We want to teach our children how not to internalize the negative things in the world to just look at them as information and something we can choose.
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Something we can choose to hear, see, experience, however we want.
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So is this somebody's opinion?
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Because it's only, fact if we take it in.
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So when we start looking at these things, we do these habits, these you addictions, so if we're kids and we're growing up and we go to the doctor, we get a lollipop, we going to the dentist, we get a sucker.
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We get a shot, we get something else.
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It's our birthday, we get cake.
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It's all this external gratification.
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And I'm not saying don't get your kids' cake for their birthday, but if we look at it that way, it's a conditioned way of being, it's a hand to mouth it's a reward, it's a something outside and we need to change that.
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So when I'm working with people, with their relationship with food, which is lifelong because it's not something we can just put down.
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We have to continue eating.
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So it is probably one of the most in depth relationships that we have to cultivate and change, because food is just fuel and it can take a lot of time to get that relationship into that space.
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But we need to do that with anything outside of it; outside of us, because we can't rely on the beach to make us feel better.
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It can make us feel better and we can really enjoy it, but we can't be reliant upon it.
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We need to be as happy sitting in this chair or satisfied or.
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Feelings of self worth or security, confidence all of that stuff needs to be exactly the same while you're sitting in the chair that you're sitting in or wherever it is you're listening, as it does when you're in the spin class, as it does when you're, at a social, all of the things.
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Yeah.
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I love that.
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The longer I have worked in the realm of mindset, and I've heard it for years and I didn't really start to connect with it because I think a lot of what you're talking about is there's the, I know that's not good for me and I shouldn't do that to trying to do something about it and then not being able to, because I think there's a heart to head exchange that has to happen.
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There's I'm done with this and I'm trying to not do this.
00:19:55.486 --> 00:19:58.506
Or I know this is bad for me but you're not really there.
00:19:58.506 --> 00:20:13.161
And so what I really have been focused on and I understand is like that my outside circumstances don't have to make up my inside feelings, but it took me years cause it was all about the external.
00:20:13.161 --> 00:20:18.945
It was, whether it was food or alcohol or whether it was, what you said about me.
00:20:19.246 --> 00:20:21.682
Hardest thing I ever had to learn was it was not my business.
00:20:21.686 --> 00:20:26.721
But other people said about me like that I didn't need that external to be okay with who I was.
00:20:27.021 --> 00:20:34.166
And I think that, especially when you're in business for yourself, what are my clients gonna say And it took me a few times in the beginning to be okay.
00:20:34.196 --> 00:20:35.547
I'm not gonna be for everybody.
00:20:35.547 --> 00:20:44.396
Whether you are or whether you're not is really the essence of what you're saying and that goes along with habits whether I have something or not, I'll still be okay.
00:20:44.396 --> 00:20:49.632
But it took a process for sure to get there.
00:20:50.531 --> 00:20:51.071
Right.
00:20:51.451 --> 00:20:55.557
I think that's really important that you said that because it's not a shift.
00:20:55.557 --> 00:20:56.727
I can't do this.
00:20:56.977 --> 00:21:03.557
I have to stop doing this because I'll tell you with the alcohol, The issues aren't solved by just putting down the alcohol.
00:21:03.866 --> 00:21:06.987
And of course, there's a gamut of levels of severity.
00:21:06.987 --> 00:21:13.612
Everybody's relationship looks different so sure there's those that person's an alcoholic because they're Laying on the couch passed out half the time.
00:21:13.852 --> 00:21:15.832
There's that is, there's a difference.
00:21:16.051 --> 00:21:29.936
If I use it as an illustration everybody can understand is there is a perception out there in the world that if we put the alcohol down, everything is fine and it's not true.
00:21:30.207 --> 00:21:35.122
Because you have to fix the reason why you relied on it in the first place.
00:21:35.122 --> 00:21:39.892
And that doesn't mean I have to visit the trauma or, whatever thing I wanna point to.
00:21:39.892 --> 00:21:41.662
Because it's more than just one event.
00:21:41.991 --> 00:21:43.761
It's more than just an event.
00:21:43.991 --> 00:21:46.392
It's, why do you go to that external?
00:21:46.392 --> 00:21:52.271
So why am I externally driven being, because everything that I just said was all another layer of external.
00:21:52.692 --> 00:21:58.392
Or a layer of internal because, I look at, and hopefully this isn't too much for anybody.
00:21:58.392 --> 00:22:05.116
If it is, I'm totally sorry, but I'm a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, rape, domestic violence and emotional abuse.
00:22:05.656 --> 00:22:21.521
So I can say that super easy because in my recovery, lifestyle creation, I learned about this locus of control theory and everything else that, that I teach, that goes around it and supports it and builds it up.
00:22:22.721 --> 00:22:27.461
I learned about this so I don't have old baggage from past, from all of those past things.
00:22:27.701 --> 00:22:29.382
Those things had nothing to do with me.
00:22:29.801 --> 00:22:34.182
I was merely the vehicle or the vessel for somebody else's bad act.
00:22:34.241 --> 00:22:34.662
I survived.
00:22:36.717 --> 00:22:38.037
It's their bad karma.
00:22:38.096 --> 00:22:39.747
I'm not gonna carry that around.
00:22:40.136 --> 00:22:46.616
And that's not to say that I don't have a very strong physical boundary system.
00:22:46.836 --> 00:22:50.011
I have a spatial thing but I like it.
00:22:50.011 --> 00:22:51.781
And I have what I call my creep dart.
00:22:51.781 --> 00:22:53.882
It goes off and I listen to it.
00:22:54.372 --> 00:22:55.362
But it's on a shelf.
00:22:55.366 --> 00:22:57.612
It's not something I walk around scared about all the time.
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It's on a shelf.
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It's properly packaged.
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I know where it is.
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