Jan. 21, 2023
Priscilla Rodriguez - Managing Stress & Self-Care Can Improve Your Self-Esteem
Are you a female entrepreneur who finds it hard to see self-care as productive? Would you like to learn the connection between self-care and what makes us a strong and confident woman who knows how to push through doubt and worry?
On this episode of the Wellness and Wealth podcast, Priscilla Rodriguez of Modern Wellness Counseling addresses how stress brings on the unnecessary comparison. She’ll also share why it’s okay to “miss” opportunities now for a better business tomorrow.
In this episode, Priscilla Rodriguez answers the following questions:
- How does stress affect your self-esteem?
- Why is self-discovery important?
- How does one tell if stress is impacting their self-esteem and self-care?
- How does one start to recover from burnout?
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Link: https://enhancingyourrelationship.teachable.com/
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Transcript
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Hi everyone.
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My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast.
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I'm so happy to have you find us.
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And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it.
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This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business.
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So sit back, relax.
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And learn from the practical to the woo-hoo, how to best take care of you.
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Have a great day.
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Stay blessed.
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And leave a review when you're done listening to the show, thanks so much.
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Hi everyone.
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Today we have another great topic.
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It is how managing stress and self-care can improve your self-esteem.
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Our guest is Priscilla Rodriguez, and I'm gonna read her bio and then we're gonna get right into the show.
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Priscilla Rodriguez is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Texas.
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She's the founder and owner of an online mental health group practice, modern Wellness Counseling that specializes in providing relationship counseling to couples who are looking to improve their communication and connection, and also works with individuals who are struggling with anxiety burnout, past trauma and low self.
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Priscilla has also shares some online courses that focus on relationship building, self-care, and improving self-esteem.
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So welcome Priscilla.
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Thanks for coming on the show today.
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Hi.
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Thanks Wendy.
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Thank you so much for having me here.
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So this has been a really fun little project.
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We cannot talk about self-care and self-esteem enough.
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Honestly, I find that the more I work in business, the more that this needs to be a topic of discussion.
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So what I'd love to know from you, is in your experience, does stress affect your self-esteem?
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Yeah so in my experience, there can be a lot more comparison when you are stressed out and your self-esteem, right?
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So your self-esteem, there's this part that I, it's maybe a little bit more challenging to trust myself.
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Maybe it's a little bit more challenge to feel really confident in what I am doing.
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So when I am really stressed out, I maybe will start comparing myself to other people.
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Maybe I'm engaging in self-doubt.
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So all of a sudden you're questioning a lot of things that are going on.
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Whether it's am I even doing the right self-care practices actually going to help?
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So there's a lot of questions, and raising thoughts that can happen when you are really stressed out.
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It's really hard to focus in whether that's I'm trying to be productive, trying to get something done, or just trying to relax.
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Yeah, that makes complete sense.
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And actually, that's so funny.
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I was literally having a conversation with a friend of mine.
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She was recently hospitalized and she's on the other side getting better.
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But she's not a hundred percent.
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And she's like, I can't go on social media.
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I can't because she's not feeling great.
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And she's like, I can't go on.
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All of a sudden, I'm so jealous.
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I've never been jealous of all these things that people are doing that I'm not able to do right now.
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So I can absolutely hear what you're saying and as somebody who does social media, that's a big one.
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When we start to feel stressed and we start comparing what people are writing to our insides.
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I'm sure you find that.
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Is that something you find in your practice?
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Oh, absolutely.
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That's definitely something that comes up as far, whether it's oh, I'll go on social media to get some ideas or to get inspired.
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There's a really fine line of let me get on to make myself a little bit happy or de-stress or relax or detach from whatever else is going on in life right now.
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But then it's so many targeted ads and targeted accounts, that it's gonna show you bigger or better things.
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Because that's what social media is programmed to do.
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So it's not even where you're at in life, it's this is how the algorithm works.
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And of course everything have some social media is polished most of the time.
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So it's not really a reality, that you're seeing.
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So of course it's gonna fall into that jealousy mode or just that part of oh wow I'm noticing something so different than what I had ever experienced in my life.
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Yeah, I was, and interesting about that years ago when Pinterest came out, this is a long time ago.
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As we're talking about self-esteem, I had written an article for a psychology magazine because so many women at that time were pinning everything and feeling like they were not, worthy because they felt like they couldn't keep up with the amount of pins that they were pinning.
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And it's supposed to be an ideal board.
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It's not supposed to be you have to do everything because you pin it and women were starting to really have self-esteem issues at that time because they really thought that they were supposed to keep up with the thousands of ideas, that just are there.
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Doesn't mean that we have to compare and do every one of them
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Sounds like a to-do list versus an idea or inspiration part.
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So, as far as self-care self-esteem and burnout, does burnout equal to lower self-esteem?
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Or do we get burned out because we have low self-esteem?
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That's a very curious question that I just came up with, but yes, I'm curious
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Yeah, I feel like they're so intertwined together where it's kinda a chicken and egg effect there.
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Cuz it's definitely the high level of stress.
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This constant demand to keep up often leads to this question of, can I keep up?
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And then it's no, yeah, I can do it.
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I can do it.
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I've kept up with everything else in my life.
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I can do it.
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So then you push yourself.
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But then over time it, this is where burnout maybe starts to happen.
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I'm getting so tired.
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And then you start questioning your ability to keep up.
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So then it's this piece of my self-esteem starts to also get chipped away, cuz now I'm questioning myself.
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And I'm tired of trying to keep up with the demand that, other people or society or social media, whatever, family, partner, whoever may be, is putting on you maybe even yourself.
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There's this narrative of, I have to be perfect.
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I have to do it a certain way.
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So there's this part that is too much.
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So they go hand in hand, as you're experiencing this higher level of burnout, you may be experiencing this lower level of self-esteem because there's this constant doubt and questioning that is happening.
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That's interesting.
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And I know for me, the older I get, And I'm finally okay with this.
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At one time I wasn't, life is different.
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And I think that sometimes we don't see that life is different, so we're not gonna keep up with what we used to because life is different.
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But physically life is different too.
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And I hear that a lot I used to be able to do this.
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There's this expectation that at every level of your life, you're gonna be able to do what you did.
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And I don't even know if that's really quite healthy to think that.
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Yeah.
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I think there's an acceptance.
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Maybe even this part of, Hey, I was doing this five years ago, but in this season in life, I don't need to do it anymore, or I don't want to do it anymore.
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Now I'm realizing I actually hated doing that.
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So even this part of was that really even needed?
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Maybe it was needed then, because now I know a little bit more but it's safe for me to let go of that and know that I'm gonna be okay.
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Without maybe pinning all the things or doing all the, posting as every single day or posting on all the social media platforms.
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It's like, actually, you know what?
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I can do a couple here and there and taking care of myself versus doing this for the algorithm
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Right.
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So, and again, because I've worked in it and I've worked with women entrepreneurs forever with it, and that's the thing is learning what works for you.
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And I think.
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Although this might be, this fear of missing out is for me, I get phone calls of I have to be on this social media.
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It's like you do?
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I'm just curious why do you have to be on there?
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And they're like, well, this expert said I had to be on there.
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And I don't know if that's what it plays into.
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Does it play on that fear of missing out on something and then that ties to my self worth, I'm not gonna be okay.
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Or This will not work unless I do it this way.
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As opposed to finding what works for you but that idea.
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Is that some of it this fear of missing out.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Definitely.
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Fear of missing out, FOMO is part of I have to keep going.
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I have to keep doing, I have to keep saying yes.
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I have to keep showing up.
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Even though I am really wanting to nap right now or just really wanting to, be by myself right now.
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Cuz sometimes there's that part of it, if I don't do this, I'm going to miss out on all these opportunities, which can be really hard, especially as an entrepreneur, female entrepreneur who's maybe even just starting up, of I have to hit the gun running.
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I have to hustle, I have to get all the things done but then you lose track of you or maybe even the reason of why you became an entrepreneur.
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So there's this part of balancing and this self-reflection of where am I at right now?
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How am I doing?
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Cause I think that's a bigger part of like self-care is that there's nothing wrong with maybe showing up or attending the events, but it's how much time are you also taking care of you?
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And how much time are you okay to say no to certain things.
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Knowing there's always gonna be another opportunity, because networking events don't just stop.
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Social media accounts don't just stop.
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There's always gonna be more opportunity, but it's at what expense is that?
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So for you, were you always somebody who believed in like self-care and understood the ways to handle stress?
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Or was this something that you learned as a process too.
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Oh, definitely.
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Learn throughout the way.
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I would say I became fascinated with psychology and wanted to do counseling like the end of my college career, so like my junior third, fourth year of college.
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I didn't even understand that I had anxiety in high school.
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I was the person who was like, I need to be in all the clubs.
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I need to hold the leadership position on the clubs.
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I need to make all the A's, I need to go to all the volunteer events.
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I need to do other things.
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Not knowing that I had this perfectionist, it wasn't ever labeled.
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And then of course going into college or end of college and then grad school when I was studying mental health, I was like, oh, that's what that is.
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I started my own counseling in college for anxiety and that's when I learned Oh, there's a whole path here.
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Okay, this makes sense.
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And then learning about couples counseling and relationships.
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So this is when I just dove right in.
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So definitely having, throughout the process of learning it, being able to apply it and then see oh, when I take care of myself, I am much more able to.
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Do better things.
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Because I think even at the beginning when I started my business, I took on that role like I did when I was younger of I can do it all.
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I can do the social media, I can manage the website, I can take the phone calls, I can see the clients, I can do the billing.
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All the things.
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And entrepreneurs are listening to this are yeah, we know all the things.
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So it was right around Covid two, three years into my business and I realized, okay, I can't be doing all the things right.
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I'm starting to get burned out.
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So then that's when I started to expand my practice, sharing all these roles and contracting it out to other people.
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And freeing my mind up, more importantly, cuz it was hard to Be present sometimes when you're trying to go to bed and you're like, oh, I can write this blog, or Oh, I can write this post.
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Or Oh my God, did I share a story today?
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It's like, okay, I can sleep better now knowing that it's being taken care of by someone else.
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And I'm curious because I can't imagine being burnt out prior to going into the pandemic based on what you do for a living.
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But saying that, I've gone through that, where I've been burnt out and I resent my business suddenly or a client.
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I don't want to, because I'm like, I started the business.
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This is what I love to do, but I think there's something to that.
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Does that go together?
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When you start to burn out, you start to resent what you built.
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Yeah.
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Oh, yes, yes.
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That's something that definitely happens when you've experienced burnout.
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There's resentment and anger, and even grief and dread.
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All these bad, worrisome, gloomy terms, because that's exactly how it feels.
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It's like, ugh, why am I doing this?
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Why did I do this?
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And no one is forcing you to do it.
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So I think there's also guilt or shame.
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Sometimes wait, wait a second, I wanted this, but why am I feeling this way?
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So there's that part of definitely having to pull back a little bit.
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And check of, okay, what is all on my plate right now?
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What can I let go of or delegate to someone else that has been such a lifesaver for me.
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And literally if not, I'm pretty sure I would've had several panic attacks and let go of my business if I held onto everything the way I was.
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So I'm so thankful that someone told me, Hey, you don't have to do it all and having to be reminded of that, of oh yeah, I don't cuz sometimes you have to become the student again.
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So I think that's always an important part to help with burnout as well.
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And that's true sometimes you need that outside voice and not necessarily family.
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You need an outside voice who can very clearly see into your business without all of the emotions that are tied to it.
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Because that's the other thing is we're tied to our businesses.
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So for entrepreneurs, like what are those signs of burning out?
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Because I'm sure there's a stop before it gets to crisis but we don't know that.
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Yeah, and I think we touched on them a little bit.
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This part of you're waking up and you're resenting a client.
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You're resenting a certain type of project.
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You're resenting just going through your emails.
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There's something about it that is like, Ugh, I have to do this.
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It's very dreadful.
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Anxiety.
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Which can play out in a couple of ways.
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Whether that is actually experiencing some panic attacks, tightness in your chest, just this constant intrusive thoughts and worrying, of, I don't know if I can do it.
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I don't know if I can do it or I used to be able to do it.
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I used to hit these numbers and now I'm not.
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I used to do those and now I'm not.
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So there's this compulsiveness that happens.
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And then there's also extreme burnout.
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And you mentioned leading up to burnout, but I also just wanna point out this other side, which is no longer caring.
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You just no longer care.
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If it fails, it fails, who cares?
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Whatever.
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That is extreme burnout to the point where yeah, maybe you should take a week off.
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It'll still be there when you come back.
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But maybe really having to just completely step away.
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Because I think there's sometimes this part of, you start to also notice sacrifices that you started to make.
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So then you start questioning yourself of, gosh, I didn't go to my son's recital because I went to this networking event, and now this networking event didn't like playout what am I doing here?
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So then you start questioning yourself.
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And this is where, again, self-esteem plays a role.
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So I think this is where it's important to be very mindful of how are you feeling?
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And I think it's something that we rarely talk about or really emphasize.
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Sometimes it's Hey, drink water, make sure you're eating, make sure you go to the restroom.
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Ask yourself, how are you doing today?
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How are you feeling about your business?
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Where are you at today?
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Because being able to recognize I can then develop some safety parameters of, you know what, today I'm really low on energy, so I'm just gonna stick to emails today.
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I'll keep the phone calls for tomorrow.
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Cause that's all I have energy for today.
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And that's okay.
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That's interesting too that you say that cuz there is levels of burnout, I think.
00:15:06.070 --> 00:15:06.399
Yes.
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And realizing where you have crossed into line to extreme burnout.
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To the point where you don't care.
00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:25.000
When you're talking about those warning signs, every step in there, it sounds like you almost have to give yourself permission to be okay with.
00:15:26.875 --> 00:15:31.975
Not allowing yourself to go there or give yourself permission to be okay with doing less.
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Which I think women struggle with sometimes.
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If we have all these expectations on us.
00:15:39.169 --> 00:15:39.860
Oh, definitely.
00:15:39.950 --> 00:15:40.340
Yeah.
00:15:40.340 --> 00:15:44.600
There's that definitely a part of, what does it mean if I can't do it?
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Does that mean I'm lazy?
00:15:45.649 --> 00:15:50.615
I'm a bad entrepreneur, or whatever label you have.
00:15:50.669 --> 00:15:56.399
Daughter, wife, mom, does that mean I'm bad if I can't keep up with all the things?
00:15:56.399 --> 00:16:00.000
Maybe you start comparing yourself to other friends.
00:16:00.539 --> 00:16:01.350
Your mom.
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My mom was able to do it all and she had five kids and all of a sudden you jump into this comparison role versus just asking, Hey, what's good for me right now?
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