Sept. 21, 2022
Emily Shaules - How to Heal from and Thrive with Invisible Illness
Are you an entrepreneur who feels like you are constantly not feeling well? And you try to express this to your friends and family, and they tell you to shake it off? Or do you ever feel like you are crazy because you constantly don’t feel well, but the doctors insist your labs are normal? And send you home?
Well, you might be one of the many entrepreneurs suffering from a silent illness. Wellness and Wealth guest Emily Shaules of Mastpath Coaching will discuss this topic. So that you, the entrepreneur, not only can feel heard and seen but know you are not alone, along with the best way to self-care while still thriving in your business.
In this episode, we answer the following questions:
What is a silent illness?
Is it cultural or innate to think we must be miserable when ill?
How do you become okay with what you have accomplished, not what you think you have to accomplish?
What’s the first step in changing the internal dialogue of what’s wrong with me? How can I be more positive despite how I feel?
Guest Offer: A free 60-minute masterclass on why you have an invisible illness and what to do to start feeling better today!
Guest Link: https://emilyshaules.newzenler.com/f/webinar
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
- Website: www.wendymanganaro.com
- Our Services: Mindful Marketing Strategies
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendymanganaro1/
- Mindset & Marketing: What's Keeping You Blocked PDF
Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
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Transcript
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Hi everyone.
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My name's Wendy Manganaro and I am the Host of the Wellness and Wealth podcast.
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I'm so happy to have you find us.
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And if you could take a moment and hit that subscribe button, I'd really appreciate it.
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This is the podcast where we believe when you show up better for yourself as a woman business owner, you show up better for your business.
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So sit back, relax.
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And learn from the practical to the woo-woo, how to best take care of you.
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Today I have Emily Shaules.
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And she is a transformational coach who works primarily with women with invisible illness, which we will learn all about in a little bit.
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She's also the executive director, I should say, newly the executive director.
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We're very excited for her of the Julian ranch retreat center in Julian, California, a former attorney professional actor and founder CEO.
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Emily went from being suicidal and on 25 pills a day.
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By the time she was 30 to thriving in her body, mind and spirit, she utilizes her medic and universal laws as well as practical health and wellness knowledge to help those who are sick of the struggle and want to design a dream life that honors their body.
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And experience Emily lives in Encinitas, California and is obsessed with dogs and Schitt's Creek, which is awesome.
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I love that.
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I'm obsessed with dogs too.
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I have four of them downstairs.
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Welcome to the show, Emily.
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Hi, thank you so much for having me.
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God, I could talk about your dogs.
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Cancel the show.
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Let's talk about dogs.
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Okay.
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No.
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I'll reel it back in.
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Reel it in.
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Oh, we were just talking about me buying a new house, buying the new house, cuz it has the yard for the dogs.
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Yeah.
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Anyway, we could get really sidetracked there.
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We had met online and I'm really excited to talk to you about this idea of invisible illness and actually, my husband, I was telling you, whose out working in Idaho and Washington.
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He has one of those invisible illnesses.
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So I do have firsthand knowledge of somebody who has it, but a lot of people don't know what that is.
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So could you give it an explanation of what an invisible illness is and how it impacts the person.
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Who has it?
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Yes.
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The definition I use is any chronic physical or mental condition where you quote, unquote look normal.
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so if you've ever heard the phrase like, oh, but you look good then, but you're suffering.
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Then you most likely have an invisible illness when I was deciding, who I wanted to work with.
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I heard terms like chronic pain and things like that, but invisible illness seemed to speak to everyone that I really wanted to reach and help because it can deal with, like I said, both physical and mental illnesses, which you know, now in this time of post COVID, who hasn't, experienced at least some of that.
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I really focus on the people who have been struggling for years, the people who go to doctor after doctor and have test after test, come back and say, oh, it's normal.
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Or, oh, we don't really know how to treat this.
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And so there can be a lot of loneliness and isolation involved because there just aren't many people who a recognize that there's even anything wrong with you or B know how to help.
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And that leads to at least, I know this is for women and entrepreneurs, but I know that I watched my husband go through this and start to think you're crazy.
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Absolutely.
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How do you not, if you've been going to doctor after doctor for sometimes decades and no one can help you and no one even can recognize that there's an issue, then.
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They're basically telling you that you're crazy.
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And so it's difficult not to take that on, especially when you're already in a compromised situation, mentally due to the pain that you're experiencing.
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It's easier to take on those negative thoughts and beliefs as your own.
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And so that's a lot of the work that I do with my clients is to reprogram those beliefs about yourself because your cells and your body are always listening to your thoughts and you can't heal a body that you hate.
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You can't heal a body that you're blaming for all the problems in your life.
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That's just not gonna work.
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And so the mental, emotional aspect is a key piece of the work that I.
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I love that.
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And I will self-admit that when my husband was going through this, I was not the most understanding wife because I really did not understand it.
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I'd be like what do you mean you can't go to work today?
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And I think from the other side of somebody who now lives with somebody and he tells me something, I hear it, but I think that's the other part of it is that you're living in this invisible, not only the doctors don't hear you a lot of times.
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Your family members don't hear you.
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Absolutely.
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Your family members, your coworkers, your friends, and it's not from a place of malice or bad intent, obviously you love your husband.
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You want what's best for him.
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But what I found is that even if you have the very best intention, even though if you want the best for someone who has an invisible illness, if you yourself have not experienced that.
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It's almost impossible for you to truly empathize and understand what they're going through.
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Because like I said, you'll look normal.
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And I remember a partner that I lived with for years and he was the most sympathetic, the most helpful, but he even admitted to me, I don't really under, I don't understand what you feel We would always say, we wish we could swap bodies for a day.
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So that, I could feel the sweet relief of being in a healthy body, but that he could understand what I was feeling on a day to day basis, because again, breeds, empathy and understanding.
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And unfortunately we don't have that body swapping ability quite yet.
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It's sometimes a hard road, especially if your spouse, your coworkers, your friends are listening to doctors that are maybe saying that you're, it's all in your head or you're a little bit crazy.
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Who do you listen to?
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Yeah, those are some very real issues that go beyond the physical or mental pain that you're experiencing because community is everything.
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To really have a community of people who understand what you're going through is such an important component.
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Important part of this is the belief system on the outside.
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Actually as we're having this conversation, I remember one time where I was in the hospital, I had a watermelon sized cyst burst and they didn't know that it was.
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The pain that I was in and they sent a psychiatrist in and said it was all in my head.
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Because they had misdiagnosed me.
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Wow.
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And God love my husband who has been my hero in a lot of ways.
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He was like, you need to leave.
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She is not making this out.
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And then they figured out what was wrong with that me.
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But even then that moment, I'm like maybe I shouldn't be asking for pain meds.
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Maybe there isn't something wrong with me, and you start to doubt, am I feeling what I'm feeling.
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And not that, mental health is one of those invisible illnesses.
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I understand that.
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I get that.
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But when it is something physical and you're met with there's something mentally wrong with you, cuz you're feeling something you're, that's not real.
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Exactly.
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It's wait a second.
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And you really start to doubt who you are as a person or what you think.
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And I'm a big advocate for teaching children to pay attention to themselves.
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We are preventive in the, you have to have this, but not preventive in the let's listen to how we feel.
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We tell'em brush it off, because you want them to be somewhat resilient, but not at the cost of not feeling.
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Who they are and paying attention when they say that there's an issue.
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I completely agree.
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And, I went through a period of time where I really had a lot of anger and blamed towards the medical establishment and doctors and you know what they're doing the best they can.
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They're absolutely overwhelmed.
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Most doctors get, five minutes alone with each patient.
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They see they've gotta see 20 patients a day.
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And they like things that are explainable.
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They like things that meet their base of knowledge.
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And so unfortunately what happens a lot of times is if they themselves can't explain what's going on, they automatically jump to this person's making it up.
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Or this person is crazy instead of looking at it like, wow, we know a ton about the human body, but there's a huge amount that we don't know yet.
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We're discovering new things every day.
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They just finished sequencing a full human genome.
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And there's so many things that we don't know yet.
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That one day we probably will discover.
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And we probably will have a test for it, but right now we don't.
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And so why don't I think that it, what this person is experiencing is probably in that category of something that is real, that we just can't explain quite yet, as opposed to they're making it up.
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So there are wonderful doctors who will do that, but unfortunately there are a lot that, there are human beings, they're dealing with their own egos.
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They're dealing with their own, emotional defenses.
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And so a lot of times they'll go the other way of if I don't know it, then it must be your fault.
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Yes.
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So, in full disclosure, I was actually born with lymphoblastic leukemia and my mother fought for the first six weeks saying something is wrong with my daughter and the pediatrician who first took care of me was like, you're just being an obsessive mom.
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Exactly.
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Which is really funny because when my son was born he got sick early on.
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He had Rotovirus and then RSV and our original pediatricians told me the same thing.
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You're just being an obsessive mom.
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There's nothing wrong.
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And thankfully, my mom got me to Sloan Kettering in New York city, which is an amazing hospital.
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And, I found a great pediatrician for my son who was like, no, your son needs to be hospitalized right now.
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He's not breathing correctly.
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But this is what I came up with after I dealt with my son in that situation when he was little, is that if you are not used to seeing hard cases, it's really hard for you to understand that a mom may be right about their child or that the person who knows their body the best that there's something wrong is the person living in it.
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Agreed.
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I think we've fallen into a trap with modern medicine where we blindly give our trust over to anyone who's wearing a white coat.
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That they know best.
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And I hope we are moving towards a more collaborative medical approach.
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And I think holistic care is really helping with this and bringing in, Ayurveda and traditional medicines.
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Where it can be more of a conversation where your doctor is part of your team, but you are CEO, not the doctor.
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And so even in that instance, a wonderful approach that doctor could have taken was.
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Do you think that you could be obsessive new mom?
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Is there a part of that in you, or do you feel in your gut that there's something wrong?
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Because obviously there are obsessive new moms, and that's a valid question, but it should be a question not a statement because that doctor is not inside of your body, inside of your child's body and it needs to be a dialogue where you're a team figuring things out together, as opposed to, I know best this is what's going on, because again, they don't have the time money.
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Most doctors literally graduate having three hours on nutritional training in all of medical school, so they don't understand the effects that diet can have.
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Your diet is literally one of the most important things.
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What we ingest literally turns into our cells.
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So I always ask my clients, do you want your cells being made out of pizza?
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Or do you want your cells made out of an organic salad?
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They're gonna be two very different results based on what you ingest.
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And so it's really important for us to take personal responsibility and to either find a doctor who agrees with that philosophy and is willing to work with us.
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Or if you are in a situation in terms of you have an HMO and you have to go to this certain doctor that you yourself, don't forget that you are the CEO of your medical care and that this is a consultant that you're going to look at, but ultimately it's up to you, what actions you take, what you believe.
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Because that personal responsibility is so important.
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Especially considering our thoughts, our beliefs play such a key role in our health.
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And when people, when doctors look at tests and studies and they say, Ooh, this is quote unquote normal that's like a random sampling of people.
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You don't know what those people believe.
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You don't know, if all of those people are like, we're going to hell in a hand basket and my body's falling apart and all of this stuff, those are very different, vibes than what other people are thinking.
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And so that's gonna affect the numbers, let alone placebo affects all of these things.
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And so it's really important just to stay centered and grounded in your own, knowing you are given an emotional guidance system, you are given that intuition for a reason and not to hand it over, just because someone.
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Is seemingly in a position of power.
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And you bring up a good point.
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And I'm gonna use my child as an example, but I think this happens because I wanna go back into the thoughts and the mindset of this.
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The reason why all the doctors had such a hard time with my son is he was constantly happy.
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He was just a happy baby.
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He was so sick.
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He needed to be on oxygen twice, but he was happy.
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And so I'd bring him in and he'd still be happy.
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So the doctor would be like, there's nothing wrong with him.
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And I'm like, he's not breathing well.
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And so how does that play into mindset and our thoughts?
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How do you learn how to have that balance of I don't have to be miserable because I don't feel well, but I also need to be able to pay attention to myself.
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Absolutely.
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Here's a question.
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How is your son?
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My son is amazing.
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He was and he doesn't like me talking about this too much, but I will anyway, cuz he knows that I do, he was born on the spectrum and he no longer has asthma issues.
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We did a lot of the care when he was little so that as he got older, he could feel confident.
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Which totally speaks to what you were just talking about.
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If he had been miserable, I don't think he would've healed as quickly, or as completely as he did because any kind of negative emotions are going to throw resistance into the healing process.
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That's not to say it doesn't happen or that's bad.
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We're human beings, but we have come to believe.
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And correlate and equate basically pain with negative emotion.
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If I'm in pain, I need to be depressed or I am depressed or I'm miserable or all those things.
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That's not the case.
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Okay.
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It's correlation, not causation.
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So basically in order to start the healing process or in order to make the healing process easier, faster, et cetera.
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You need to take a look at the emotional and the mental picture, because why not get rid of as much resistance to your body healing as you possibly can.
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And if you're constantly depressed because of your symptoms, then you're gonna probably stay there.
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Now this is not me saying, walk around, in joy and passion and toxic positivity and not looking at the real picture, but you can be in pain and happy.
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You can be in pain and joyful.
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And I know this for a fact because I'm still in pain.
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I'm not a hundred percent healed from my issues.
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I'm vastly improved.
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I'm off all medications.
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I, am, thriving professionally and in my relationships, but I am still not a hundred percent healed, but in order to begin my healing journey and to continue it, I had to separate my pain from my emotions and say, I am in charge of what I feel and what I think.
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And I can choose a higher vibe for myself and know that if my pain is constant and it's chronic; then, does that literally mean I'm not allowed to be happy the entire rest of my life?
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Because that's literally what you're saying.
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If there is pain, then there has to be negative emotion.
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And I don't believe that at all.
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Your son is a perfect example.
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We've all seen people who are going through cancer, who are going through MS who are going through horrible, physical and mental issues.
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And yet they're happy, they're loving.
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They're joyful.
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And what do we say?
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Oh my God, that's so inspiring.
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We all have that ability.
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It is a choice now, obviously, do you have bad days?
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Bad hours?
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Of course.
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Like we're human.
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What I'm saying is that most of us are not taught how to deal with our emotions or even how to identify emotions And so once we learn this, once we learn that our emotions are in fact, our guidance system, that's what we were born with to let us know if we're going the right way or not for ourselves.
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Then we can take control and we can have the set.
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The intention of this is how I wanna feel.
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Yes.
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Are things gonna happen that are gonna take me down of course, but I am able to learn practice and master tips and techniques to process emotions quickly so that I can get back to that set point that I've intended for my own self, so that I'm not beholden to outside circumstances or inside circumstances in the case of bodily pain.
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Those don't control me.
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I choose where I'm going.
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And then that actually in fact helps me feel better because I can never, when I work with a client, I can never tell them 100%, you're gonna feel better after working with me.
00:17:15.123 --> 00:17:20.074
I can't say that about any, not even doctors can say that, no one can say what's gonna happen.
00:17:20.074 --> 00:17:21.963
That's the beauty and mystery of life.
00:17:22.263 --> 00:17:34.574
But I had to really get clear with myself and my own journey of okay, if I'm going to be in pain for the rest of my life, which is a distinct possibility, I don't think it will be, but it could happen.
00:17:34.574 --> 00:17:36.535
How do I wanna feel for the rest of my life?
00:17:36.835 --> 00:17:46.555
Does that mean I'm gonna be miserable and broke and alone and all of these things because I'm waiting to start my life until I feel better, or can I start my life?
00:17:46.855 --> 00:17:48.444
And intend, that I'll feel better.
00:17:48.617 --> 00:17:55.738
It's a very subtle distinction, but an incredibly important one for your healing journey to begin.
00:17:55.738 --> 00:17:56.936
I could not agree more.
00:17:56.936 --> 00:17:59.682
And there is something that you said in there that stuck out to me.
00:17:59.722 --> 00:18:09.107
When you said we find people who can be happy while they're sick and we're like, that's an inspiration because I think innately.
00:18:09.407 --> 00:18:17.988
Or culturally, I don't know which one it is, but somehow we go if you're sick it has to equal misery.
00:18:18.228 --> 00:18:19.278
I think it's cultural.
00:18:19.327 --> 00:18:26.676
I think culturally, we're just taught to live conditionally that if I look at something and it pleases me, then I'm happy.
00:18:26.727 --> 00:18:36.818
If I look at a baby or a puppy but if I look at something that doesn't please me like war or, environmental issues and things like that, then I have to be miserable or angry or things like that.
00:18:36.818 --> 00:18:38.499
And that's just not true.
00:18:38.648 --> 00:18:50.250
We are in charge of how we think and we feel, and that's the difference between living in full responsibility and control of your life, or just going wherever.
00:18:50.250 --> 00:18:51.163
Life takes you.
00:18:51.223 --> 00:18:59.317
And that's very reactive and not very enjoyable, honestly, cuz we live in a culture where we're constantly being shown what's wrong, in the world.
00:18:59.317 --> 00:19:05.898
So if you are basing your feelings on what you're looking at, then you're screwed.
00:19:05.959 --> 00:19:12.288
You're not in control of your own journey because you are at the whim of what is in front of you.
00:19:12.348 --> 00:19:26.298
Whereas if you really know that you are at choice, Then, everything changes, not only the things that come to you through the law of attraction, but your body can heal better because you're taking away that whole layer of resistance.
00:19:26.597 --> 00:19:29.867
That is you saying this sucks.
00:19:29.988 --> 00:19:30.768
I hate this.
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When is this gonna be over?
00:19:32.117 --> 00:19:35.387
It's just, you can't get there from there.
00:19:35.448 --> 00:19:39.377
You can't get better when you're constantly beating the drum of this sucks.
00:19:39.678 --> 00:19:40.788
I've tried it believe me.
00:19:41.087 --> 00:19:41.644
I've been there.
00:19:41.644 --> 00:19:51.440
And so I wanna move into a little bit, female entrepreneurs and as one as yourself, you'll understand this question when you have these invisible illnesses, right?
00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:51.950
Yes.
00:19:51.950 --> 00:19:56.342
I think Best way that I can talk about as we're talking about culture is the hustle mindset, right?
00:19:56.342 --> 00:19:56.971
Absolutely.
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